JCKAH

what a meanie

2010-04-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

i cant believe that an adult could bash a person in front of them. it hurts me that they think about him like that. instead of trying to say it in a nice way, she goes and says it so mean in front of his face. just because of how he was in your class and how he acted before doesn't fckn mean he doesn't deserve to be honors. i cant believe that she doesn't realize how hurt i am even if it isn't me. i know babe just takes it as it is and WOW im so amazed at how he can do that... hes so amazingly well at criticize. he told me that it shouldn't phase me because its not my problem, that's just her opinion. and it doesn't matter to him. all that matters is that he has me. and that made me happy. although, deep inside i feel so bad for him because people don't fckn realize how different and better he is. hes the most courageous loving funny person there can be, and im glad hes mines. its fckn dumb how people can just judge a person by their past. why don't they just look at their progress and present. fckn stupid ! watch one day, karma's gonna get you. after today after what that person said, i don't even wanna win anymore. he told me he doesn't know if he wants to be surrounded by people being so negative towards him. and this makes me so sad because i know its true and i don't want him to go through that. so for all you people who judge out there, hope you have a nice day !

woah havent posted in a while

2010-04-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

yeah damn i havent posted sheet in a while ! foreel. damn ahha. lately people just go on tumblr to vent thats why. but i always have you blogspot. i dont think people check mines anymore lols. its okay ;)

so yeah today after school riding home dad and babe was talking about me. they were telling me how i should learn how for cook because babe knows how. dad said yeah its always the man that cooks. babe was completly dogging about how i should eat vegetables and be more healthy. just because he eats healthy and cooks for himself. i fckn felt like shet. even my dad called me spoiled. fck yeah ill just have to admit im damn spoiled. but heck i still live in my fckn parents house and respect the rules. i dont go spending shet on some stupid stuff. i get what i deserve is my motto.

but i undestand where babe is coming from. i told him ill do it for him, ill learn to cook and provide for myself. i love my boyfriend and he pushes me to be a better person. its not that hes changing me, hes just improving my lifestyle so dont get the wrong idea that he doesnt accept me. of course he fckn accepts me :) hehe. and im so thankful for him.

as i got home i wanted to cry. but i just cried in my bathroom. then i didnt even know i cried a lot. but i wiped it off. i put a smile and went back to my room where babe was playing his game. so i tried to pull it off. except, he noticed my attitude changed so he asked what was wrong. i didnt want to mention it because i told myself its so small why should i be so sad about it. but he insisted and i gave in. i told him how sorry i was that i was like that. and i cried. then we talked everything over. long story short, i realize my boyfriend just wants me to live a better life by being healthy :) because he doesnt want to loose me and he doesnt want me to be like his stupid step sisters... ! i really dont want him to remind him that i act like them cuz im not.

He told me to save it because its beautiful

2010-03-12T23:19:00.000-08:00

"sometimes when your looking for love its right in front of you, but sometimes love is blind..."
-Jonathan Balisacan

Quote 9

2010-02-16T21:25:00.001-08:00

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. "

Quote 8

2010-01-29T22:42:00.000-08:00

"I hate when I get that feeling when I know I'm about to cry. When I feel the tears well up, and my face gets flushed. But I hate it even more when I have to hold it in, because someone walks in, or catches me. Because I don't want to have to explain myself. I don't want to hear the 'Are you okay?'s and the 'What happened?'s. Because I know that what I'm feeling, is something you may THINK you understand.. but really, you don't understand it at all."

stress

2010-01-21T00:21:00.000-08:00

i recently learned about the meaning of stress in health class. its not that i didnt know but i got to know the deeper meaning and definition. stress is very harmful to the body, it can affect you in the long run. i dont want my parents to stress but they do. i end up getting stress about worrying about my family. but lately, i dont focus on stress, i mean its amazing how i handle things. i dont go overboard because im just thankful for what i have.

but what makes me feel so mad about stress is how stress has their affect on others. i dont like it when people use the excuse of stress. but i dont blame them. its just hard i guess...

i hate seeing babe stress. i hate how its hard for him to express things. i mean he tells me but it really hurts that hes stressing. i dont want the ones i love to stress. because when they do i feel so worried and it makes me think a lot. today babe wasnt acting himself when he came over. he looked tired but i think he was hiding it... i knew he was so i didnt act much either. babe was so down that i didnt know what to do, i was down cuz he was.... i fuckn hate how his steps have to irritate the fck out of him and make his life so miserable. ughh * what kind of people doesnt accept things... Oh and i hate how people judge and they dont even know things... sheesh !

♥ the 18

2010-01-19T01:36:00.000-08:00

so today is my babe and i's day of the month. the day i told him yes. the day i knew he was finally with me. yesterday, babe told me he didnt know if he could come today. so he said he will try. so i wake up and get a call from him. i told myself not to get my hopes up and to just accept it if he cant make it on our day. but he told me he might come. his step mom was at work which was good ;) but i fell back asleep after he had to go off the phone. when i was sleeping, i was wishing he would magically come. but i forced myself to not think he was coming so i dont get dissapointed and that ill always see him in school.... i missed him so much...

then i hear "hello im here babe" by my window ! hha scared the crap out of me ! i was shocked he came. i told him howcome he never worn me. and he was still outside so i had him come in to explain. he told me he walked all the way from his house to my house. the bus would take hours because it was a holiday he said. and it was still early in the morning lols. I WAS SO HAPPY ! we hugged tightly and that made my day :) seeing him made my day and i just love being with him. he sees past my flaws... my hair was messy and he didnt care. he doesnt care because he told me i look beautiful even if i just woke up. "aww" hehe. i feel so comfortable around him even when im not dressed, i realized i didnt need to dress to impress, hes my boyfriend and he accepts me for me like i do for him.

babe helped me cook banana que :) mom wanted thats why. then me and babe watched "the lovely bones" i love watching movies with him, its fun and yeah :) but so gay, babe had to leave early because he needed to be home before his dad came home... oh wells i just told myself to be thankful to be with him for thoes couple of house. and to not worry because ill see him tomaro ;)

time passes by so fast, its been half a year... and more to go ;)

immature

2010-01-16T16:59:00.001-08:00

self accusations. i never thought that you would say that. your so different since way back. i mean i understand why we all change but woah... im glad we found our own different happiness. im glad i experienced having a person like you in my life. i changed you changed. but, you can be so hypocrytical and ironic at the same time. sometimes people dont copy people on purpos, have you ever thought of that ? it sorta just happens, maybe they have the same interest or they didnt know one was doing the same. people dont judge people by accident, thats on a purpos. people dont care what you think. yeah words can hurt a person, but when that person who hurt a person has thier own faults then the person that took that hurt wouldnt feel hurt because its the person that hurted them that gets hurt in the end... get my dirft? hahah. complicated you see... but mainly dont point your fingers if you arent cleen your self. in the end roads are differnt pathways. just because of that you chose to drift... i belive one day we will encounter one another but in the end, in the back of my head i feel so hurt from you... dont worry im fine now, im better than ever now that i know the truth...

so its a deal...

2010-01-16T16:53:00.001-08:00

so yesterday i was all pissed. being hurt from hearing what some people wrote on that thing. its so stupid how people can be so immature about a situation...

so i talked to him yesterday about how i felt. it was really hard but i found a way to get through to uhm. i realized that if that person really truely is a best friend of mine then that person should understand my life my choices and support me... i tried to put up with the fact you hated him. but nowi cant take it. i dont want him or me or you to get hurt anymore. you told me straight up so now i let you know... you knew i was right along and you knew it would happen someday. i gave you a choice... im either gone or things has to become better. so you realized you do need me and im glad you do but you had to do something in reciprocal for me. im glad your gonna change the way you see things. i know its going to be hard but just imagine if you were in my situation..sometimes i feel so dissapointed in you... you still do the same things. sometimes i feel like my words are a waste cuz it doesnt make a difference. but maybe it does like you said. i really thought things would change. i really am hoping. but i cant always get what i want. i just gotta be thankful your still there.

Quote 7

2010-01-16T00:36:00.001-08:00

"When I first met you, I never would've imagined that I would have such stong feelings for you. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you or miss being by your side or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentioned your name. When I first met you I never would've thought that I would love you as much as I do."

your mean

2010-01-15T23:57:00.000-08:00

i just realized that you really are mean. you really dont care for my feelings. you really dislike him. i dont know why you gotta show it. just keep it to your fucken self. fuck this shet. i feel like we shouldnt even be close anymore. you told me the truth already, straight up so thank you. i understood you and i didnt want to get mad at you so i let it go. but now, i really dont wanna deal with you. your just hurting me when you did that. you dont need to know what you did its not like you fuckn care. what kind of a friend does that anyways... you dissappoint me. i give up already with you. you hardley call you have other friends anyways... you dont need to be there for me. i dont need to either... i just wanna vent this out. i dont know if i really mean what im typing. i just wanna vent. but yeah... i dont trust what you say anymore. you never keep your word. so fuck this.

my birthday plans

2010-01-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

i really dont fuckn know what im going to do for my sixteen birthday. its coming up preety soon. i know who to invite, but its the fact that i know most of them wont even make it. there the best people in my life and i care for them and i really wish they would be there for me on that so called "sweet Sixteen". i dont even know if babe can go... i dont know if i should ask my homiee... i dont know if the rest are allowed to go ON a school night. my moms only off on the 9 & 10 and thoes are the days were planning on... the 9th is my real birthday! mother put my birthday certificate on the 10... because she got married legally on the 9 so she didnt want people to think anything... i wish the people who are there for me in my life would be there for me since im always there for them. if i could wish my birthday wish right now i would wish all thoes whom i love would just come together for one day that day i turn 16... but i guess i dont always get what i want... it doesnt matter. i guess ill be thankful if people do things for me during school... but i dont know already.. i wish i could just skip that day because maybe people dont even remember... still a while till that day though...

its so hard

2010-01-15T23:41:00.000-08:00

i really wish your step fam doesnt have to act like a bitch towards you. whenever you tell me those kind of things like what they do to you i get so hurt because your getting hurt. i cant do anything about them. its fucked up what you have to go through. you deserve to be treated better cuz i know your the best son a person could have. and im lucky your my bf. i love him so much... you tell me you have to limit yourself... i guess i have to understand. i cant always get what i want. i dont want to loose you. i know you dont either. i know you care for me so much. i have to learn to be less dependent on you or anyone i guess.. im preety much almost alone with venting. all i have is the computer to vent to sometimes. you tell me your going to find a way, and i trust you babe... like i said... i dont know what i would do without you... fuck the people who say shet because they dont havent experience this kind of ♥

Guardians

2010-01-15T21:37:00.000-08:00

My mom is the strongest person i know. yet, she could irritate The Fuck out of me. I swear... I feel like shes a bit annoyed that my bf comes over a lot. i mean yeah sure i understand that. but at least im not doing anything bad. at least she gets to know him better. at least shes there right? but, i think she misses my dad. she misses the fact that the opposite sex is there. point is she misses my dad. i miss my dad so much. i miss him spoiling me and sis. moms so uptight lately. im glad dads coming home soon instead of waiting for a month more. hes coming back next week :) hehe. but i guess, i gotta put up with this shet. i love my mom and dad no doubt. i miss them... i do miss spending time with mom i guess, since lately ive been focused being with babe... i guess its partly my fault.. she tells me not to give my hundred percent to a boy... but i cant help how my heart feels...

accepting

2010-01-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

the fact that things arent going to be the same. your still gonna be my homie, my best friend. thank you for letting out the things because i wouldnt want you keeping it to your self and never letting me know... im sorry that i cant do anything about it... im sorry that it has to be like this. i guess your right, your smart... these past few days you didnt talk to me. just once but that was a hi only. yeah, i dont usually call people because they call me. but with a best friend like you, we always helped each other... you gave me the best advice a person could say. you counted on me to be there for you like i did. i really wish it doesnt need to be like this... But, when the two important people in my life dislike each other it hurts me... theres nothing wrong with having a best friend too but i guess to make it better for us it wont be like before? you tell me to call you when i need too... hmmm... you tell me im your best friend... hmmm... i tell you that i know things are going to change and YOU know it... i tell you your still my best friend... you were like a brother to me and i was like your older sister guiding you... but thank you, for having always being there... im sorry for what your going through...

First Day of Semester 2

2010-01-05T20:32:00.000-08:00

So today we had school. Woke up and got ready for school. then waited for babe cuz his stuff was here. My ma dropped us off. then cole came and went to school. morning was good i guess. then advisory, they passed out our schedules.

Period one, its a funny class. i like ilokano 2A/B. i took ilokano before thats why. so i guess im looking foward to learning in this class. it has aircon and i dont think i need to worry bout dresscode like my last period 1 lols.

Period two, social studdies. i guess i could like this class. got people i know. hopefully it wont be hard. i dislike world history, i think its boring lols.

Period three, science. well today was funny. the teacher had some mixed personalities. told us not to kiss ass. i guess thats out my list lol. im afraid of science. i really dont like it much. hopefully ill do well cuz i know i can :) babe can help me since hes good at it lol.

Period four, hmmm health class. i was afraid of this class. but its not that bad, well for the first day. im trying my best to get the teacher to know me. hopefully health will be fun or okay to understand lols.

Afterschool, i look foward to this time of day. babe and i walked to kams and took bus to my house. babe had to type up something and yeah... hung out and then he left... :) haha so funny today babe and i planned job our outfits tahaha. so wierdos. its otay :)

HAPPY NEW YEARS

2010-01-01T13:42:00.000-08:00

Its my first post of 2010! hahah.

so yesterday was new years eve. i cleaned my room, fixed my clothes, and waited to pop fireworks. nicole them came and we watched some tv till it was night. we popped fireworks and watched neighbors as they lighted up arials i think? lols. anyways ate a lot. when it was 11:58 i was watching my watch so that i can call babe at 12. then when it was 12 i told everyone happy new years then i got a call from babe ! he beat me :P ahha he told me he was gonna call me first. and i was so happy. hes the first person to greet me happy new year. it was so cute hehe....

so as 2010 comes im looking foward to all the new experiences...

its the first day and im just at home tired lols ;)

pictures:

Treated

2009-12-31T00:06:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend is a very nice person. once you gotten close to him he treats you with what you deserve. Hes not selfish at all. Im glad that i met him, i always say that lols. but its the truth. hes the type of person that just spends things on what makes him happy.

so today woke up early and got ready. babe came over and we left to go meet with others. then we went to ala moana. after that babe and i went shopping while the rest split since we were waiting for the others. then they came and we ate genkis. babe treated us. how nice ;) hehe. all of us went all over and babe bought me things today :) then babe let us take the cab with him, and dropped us off at kams. them mama picked me up. mom thought i bought a lot, but nope i was just carrying his things cuz babe said to bring it for now lol...

anyways, i dont ask much from him. but hes just generouse and gives me what i deserve ;)

pics from today:

so....

2009-12-30T03:51:00.000-08:00

after all is said and done... i still love you like you do too... i cant belive you just did that though... you shouldve trusted me... i dont mind you talking to them, its just that what you first said didnt match what you were doing... so i got mad... i told you to talk to me when you know whatsup...next thing you know i get your call. i was expecting and hoping you would call and you did. i cry, you cry. long story short, we worked it out. you apoligized i let it go... you hate arguing with me and i hate arguing with you too... but relationships go through this kind of crap... i wanted it to be fixed before we go out today... which we did... i dont wanna loose you... and i said "babe lets just forget about this and move on by learning..." and you said "thats all i wanted..."

remember my last post "fuck you . fuck this . fuck everything . for now..."
yeah i ment it.. "for now" lol.

irritating

2009-12-30T02:24:00.000-08:00

fuck you. fuck this. fuck everything. for now...

Messeges

2009-12-29T23:03:00.002-08:00

im sorry for checking it but i always tell you that i do. i mean its not like we have anything to hide right? when i saw those messages my heart sank. i started crying... i thought i was gonna loose you... i thought you were hiding something. you deleted it thats why... but then i just went to you and talked about it. and i guess i got it all wrong. it was nothing to worry about. you just delete the others because you only want our messages :) thanks babe... im sorry for overreacting. but you told me how these kind of problems will just help make us stronger. and i agree babe. it has made us both stronger. you let me know im the only one and your the only one. thats how it should be :)

yeah you can say im derlirious for him :)

Quote 6

2009-12-29T23:03:00.001-08:00

"Did you know when you dream about a person, that person went to sleep thinking of you? Did you know when the person you like looks at you & and then looks down, they're crazy about you? Did you know that when a person looks at you directly in the eyes they love you more than you think? Did you know when that person looks at you alot they can't live without you? Did you know when they leave, they say bye too much because they don't want to let you go?"

Daddy

2009-12-28T23:48:00.000-08:00

i miss my daddy. even if he just left today. hes on his way to the philippines. he wont be coming back till feb 13. i dont think hes gonna be here for my birthday... so today as i dropped my dad off to the airport i realize that im gonna miss him. im gonna miss him spoiling me, dropping me off to places, cooking for me, making me laugh, and letting me do the things i love to do. dont get me wrong, my mom does the same, but it takes both parents to make it more better. im glad i stil have my mom here with me, its just that dads just gonna make me worried... especially hes far away, its gonna leave me wondering if hes safe... dont get me wrong, i love the philippines... i miss the phiippines. if i could go i wouldve gone but nope... when dad had to go, i hugged my dad and i started to cry. i think i was the only one crying lmfao ! my eyeliner smeared haha and dad said to stop crying cuz i ruined it lmfao. you can say im daddys little girl. i have the same attitude as him, my mom always complains how im simillar to him.. hahah. its funny tho :) but seriously, i guess this will make me appreciate how i have both parents with me and im thankful i have a dad like him... and a mom that both are supportive ;) i dont say it often but i know they know i love them... no matter what...

Merry Christmas

2009-12-26T02:21:00.000-08:00

so at midnight, my aunty and uncle and cole came over. we ate some food. cole and i made chicken strips, our way i guess haha. then they left and i went to sleep. woke up in the morning and its christmas morning :) got ready then opend the gifts my friends got me. watched baby nephew, nathan sooo cuttie haha. i ended up tired and fell asleep again.
then nicole came over and i did my eyeshadow. she wanted me to do hers so i did. sister too lols. we all looked dolled up for christmas. cole and i had like the same outfit, just opposite colors. but we wore red white and black i guess ahha.
other family members came over. we sang kareoke. we took group pictures. it was funny cuz we all had to squeeze in. i loved it though :) after we continued doing kareoke. then aunty blessed food and we ate. YUMMIE FOOD haha. then half sis came over ;) got gifts hehe.
mom took a pictures of cole and i by her plants and dads star ahah. was so funny, was like one photoshoot. its okay, we have our moments :)
then it was time to open presents. got gifts from secret santa, got some cash, got some gifts from others. i'm preety satisfied with what i got :D everything i got is usefull. ohhhmy gosh i got the ferrero rocher box chocolate. got the loads cuz sis got one too ahha. its lucky to have a sibling, cuz i get to share ahha.
then after people started leaving and mom,sis, and i just kept singing then we got tired. so we got ready for bed and everyones sound asleep on christmas night hehee. wait isnt this the last firday of 09 ? i guess soo haha. im actually typing this out cuz im bored and not sleepy yet.
anyways, this christmas to me seemed better than last years? i mean i got most of the things i wanted which im supper thankful for. i got to celebrate i with my family which was the most important thing. and thank you christ for this day for having jesus come in our world to save us from our sins. MERRY CHRISTMAS :)

Pictures from the day :

tis the season

2009-12-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

to be jolly? yeup it sure is. this year i didnt really care how many gifts i got. all i wanted is for my love ones to be happy and to be happy with me. yeah sure i wanted some materialistic stuff, i cant help it. i've learned to be patient, to not open my presents this early in christmas. tahaha. even if i opend some or know some of the gifts, its okay. i mean im just thankful for the things that the ones i love have given me. it doesnt matter if its expensive or not, as long as i know they did it out of love.

this year, i finally have a person to count on to keep my love. like the song says "last christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away". this year, i have him to keep my heart. im so thankful and glad hes still here with me. he makes a lot of effort in this relationship. i can see a change in him, and i love him for being the same person that i loved in the begining. i love how we constantly remind each other how much love we have each other.

some people say that the christmas spirt has gone down the drain. well to me, it hasnt. it only has if YOU make it to be that way. i belive that the true meaning of christmas is about CHRIST. thats the reason why we should be thankful. im glad i went church today, my faith in god has become stronger. i praise the lord everyday, and god will provide. well, my dad loves decorating. my mom shops for us. my sister and i just help around ;) as long as my family comes together on christmas day, then im happy. tomarro i guess were celebrating with ma and dads side at our house :D ya, i love staying my house. it feels so homeey to me, duh jessica ahha. anyways, opening gifts tomaro. excited tho hehe. i cant belive christmas is here. how fast days go by...

2010 here we come

Quote 5

2009-12-23T23:44:00.001-08:00

“ I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you, how good you look when you smile; how much I love your laugh. I day dream about you off and on, replaying our conversations; laughing at funny things you said or did. I’ve memorized your face and the way that you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagined. I wonder what will happen the next time we’re together and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure; you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. "

ice palace

2009-12-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

with some of the usuals. today was a last minute plan i guess to go to ice palace for shindys last full day until she goes to washington for vacation. imma miss her even if its only for two weeks i think lols. anyways, today babe came over then dad dropped us off to fhs. babe and i waited till aja, gabe, shindy, and jay came. we took bus and walked to ice palace. babe treated me :) and then we went get skates and eat. jay treated us a whole pizza, yummie. then we went to skate. haha so funny, babe hasnt skated for the longest. he told me the last time he skated was in 8th grade ! lols. its okay i holdded him for most of the time ;) he fell a few times haha. zane kept making trouble to him haha. shindy, aja, and i wanted to request a song. so we requested bedrock, BUT the freakin dJ didnt follow through his word. we WAITED so freakin long to hear the song? WE ended up leaving at 4, but we ended up not hearing the song. we were suppose to dance in the center of the rink like last time, but ugh stupid busy dj guy ! ahah. he kept moving and we trie to hunt him down ahah. after ice palace we went into this store, aja and i bought landyards. yay :) i finally have one thats nice i guess? haha. then we went take bus home. on the bus i was tired, then when we had to separate, i kept hugging shindy because it was my last time spending time with her until she comes back ;) hehe. i almost cried, but i didnt want to show it ahah. but yeah, a great day. very tiring. spent time with babe and the usuals whom ive missed hanging out with ;) next time again tee heee.

pics from the day:

Quote 4

2009-12-20T23:24:00.001-08:00

"I'm madly inlove with a boy that makes me completely insane. He makes me smile, laugh, cry, and scream more than anyone else I know. But, I'm head over heels for him & I know he's got it bad for me too. So, through the good and the bad; when it's all said & done, the only thing that matters is that were both completely crazy about each other."

meet the parents ;)

2009-12-17T21:36:00.000-08:00

so today babe plans to come over my house. he came like an hour later than he said he would. ma was gonna wait but she had to go to her christmas party. so then when babe came over grandma asked funny questions. shes such a fob. babe was talking filipino to her. then jonimar came over. we all watched "a walk to remember". how cutee hehe. babe said he cries in the movie. he was tearing at the end. hehe was so cute he was tryna hide ! but during the movie dad came, he met babe for the first time. he interviewed him about himself. he didnt interogate babe. babe was kina nervous looking? i dont know ahha. but yeah i could see them two getting along hehe. then after that babe ate some food. hes so fatty hehe joking. then after ma came later, she met babe first time tooo. she talked to him for a while. and i was surprised she didnt say much to annoy me ahha. adults leave us alone which is surprizing but good ;) nicole wanted to make brownies so we did. it tasted good hehe. we all relaxed today. it was fun being with babe. he finally met my parents. im thankful they accept the fact that i have a boyfriend. oh yeah, babe opened his gift that i gave him early lmfao. he wore his shoes today ahah. i opend his too anyways, i gave him the other ring. he bought me a ring ;) it states "what would i do without you?" how cute hehe.

Pics from today:

unfair

2009-12-15T19:50:00.001-08:00

im always there. im the one that you call about information. im the one who listens to you even if id get irritated i put up with you because im always there for my close friends. now loook ! today just proves to me that im nothing, they come first. i thought we were all close that. but yet, you just push me aside thinking i would understand. hey i dont really know your relationship with them but i know i always help you at least as much as they do and YOU just dont appreciate. you fuckn tell me youll get me thoes things. but NOOOOOOOOOO ! just because i never go with you guys, you dont get it for me. i even reminded you. you said you would. but just because they were there you bought them. i thought it was just a discount but noooo. hows that. you get them and not me. FUCK THAT im done with this kind. i hate getting close to guys that fuckn only use me to get to someone. SHET you guys no even talk that much and SHE GETS ! fuck. so irritating. and its surprizing how she says she doesnt want it but ends up taking it. so wierd. hmm idk the whole storry but oh the fuck wellls....just leyme know whassup...
hawww you told me youd give me these discount cards... i was sad. shet i get only that much of a discount and pay the rest. and they get free. hows that. I even bought you a gift. shet. i dont even know if i wanna talk to you. you always late minute.... fuck this crap.

Quote 3

2009-12-13T20:28:00.001-08:00

"In every girl’s life, there are three guys. The one she loves, the one she hates, & the one she cant get enough of. Turns out that in the end, they’re usually all the same guy."

120809 - being spolied

2009-12-11T23:57:00.000-08:00

sorry i've been blogging late because on thoes days, i dont have time to blog. i was either busy with school or just too tired to reflect on a great or depressing day lmfao.

anyways, on this day, after school i was suppose to go mcdonalds with friends. i ended up getting picked up by dad. i was mad at dad for picking me up early but i apologized as he then took me to mcdonalds. after that on our way home, i mentioned to dad how i wanted a new phone. i asked how much would he pay. then he called up my half sister who works at At&t and asked her about the monthly plans and such. dad took me to waipahu where my half sister works. i didnt know my dad was actually gonna get me a phone. but, half sis said i should get an iphone. so i did. and dad agreed :) he says he'll pay for the monthly cuz i know my mom was gonna get mad for having to get a phone lmfao. dad likes to spoil me he said haha. i felt kina guilty tho, cuz my dad left jenny, my half sister and then letting her see how our dad spoils my sister and i is kind of wierd. i wonder what she thinks. but she said shes okay cuz as long as dad treats my family well then shes happy. lols.

anyways, so i got a new phone. new number.

Xmas gifts

2009-12-11T23:49:00.000-08:00

today i went shopping with babe and heather. babe showed us where he works and buys a lot of his stuff. then we went to ala moana. we ate genkis :) then we went vans. i bought babe shoes for christmas. then heather and babe bought peoples gifts. babe also got my gift which were our promise rings? lols :D its preety cute i guesss hehe. i also bought gifts for others. i didnt really buy anything for myself. babe also got me a hello kitty ring from hot topic ahah. next we three sat down and talked about middle school and random things lols. then gabe jhe met up with us and we went to wal mart. me and babe went walking around inside of wal mart while the rest of them looked at dvds lols. woah the dvds were on sale ?!?! lols. hmmm i feel so warm around babe ;) i mean he makes me feel so happy. he tells me he feels like jello when hes with me hehe. i feel like that too ahah ! after, babe and i took bus to go home, the rest waited for their rides.
babe and i on the bus :) i love how we would sing to each other parts of songs. i love how he reminds me about our love and how we met and stuff. its sooo cutee :) he just is too me and i love spending these moments with him. babe told me he doesnt care hed get busted from his evil step mom because he spent the day with me :) i love how he just holds me and how we our hands would just connect :D i may sound corney but heck i feel so differnt around him. he has been my longest and hes the one that i got stuck to ^___^

Reconciliation 120909

2009-12-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

so today right after a long day of school and signing up for an academy, i went to confirmation, im a catholic. this day we had to go church and participate in this reconciliation. it was a time for us to do a confession with the father. i was afraid to confess to the priest because, one i didnt know him well, two i didnt know what to say, and three it was my first time. so lucky thing i had a friend of mine tell me what to say at first. i went with her in line to confess. while in line, i prepared my mind to just think of all the sins i have done throughout my life since this was my first confessions to priest who was god at that moment. as i came up to father, i said what i could say. i wanted to say more, but i ended up stuttering because i forgot what i wanted to tell him.but its okay, father blessed me and i learned that god has forgiven whatever sins i have done even if i fogto to metion some other sins i may have done.

right after confessing, i kneeled and prayed to god. telling him how i appreciate him for forgiving me. and then all of a sudden i started breaking down, thinking of all the wrong things i have done in life. how i should thank these people who are in my life that creatd a big impact ! i was tearing, and as i got in dads car i told dad how i love care for him and how thankful i have a parent that supports me all the way. i started crying, and dad said he was proud of me and gave me the usual advice a parent would say :) i got home, dad went to work. i stayed outside and called my mom, telling her sorry and telling her how much i love and care for her. it was a voicemail. i apologized to my sister telling her how important and how i should be more of a role model to her. i called my homie telling him how thankful i am to have a person to listen to my problems. i called my boyfriend telling him how much i love and care for him and how im thankful we gave us a chance. i called my best friend since befor kinder that im thankful i met her and how weve grown strong in our friendship because shes like my long lost sister ;D

as i was speaking to these people, i was crying. i was touched by god and i wouldnt to let them know how i feel how much i wanted to spread the feeling of god to them. mom forgave me for how i lied and how she loves me no matter what and that she thankful i realized how much my parents have worked so hard for us....

i just wanted to let it out because, the life i have is all im looking for. i may get spoiled at times, i may ask too much, all i want to prove is that i deserve to have these people in my life. god gave us the certain people in my life to have me become who i will be :) i dont know if that made sence but oh wells :) i know its a bit late for thanksgiving but im thankful i have the people realize how much i am to them even though ive hurted them...

JB

2009-12-08T00:07:00.001-08:00

he who has made me realize that things could change. im thankful i get a chance to spend time with him. im glad he even makes time for me. things came better. i mean before i was so used to him just hanging around and sometimes i thought he had put others before me. but now, i can honestly say you proved me wrong in many ways. i love the way he has constantly reminds me of how he loves me a lot and just cuddles with me and gives me that bubbly feeling. i dont remember when the last time i felt like this with another person. he seriously made an impact on me. whenever i dont get a chance to be with him, becomes a hard task. but, i overcome it because hes still in my mind and in my heart. yeah i may sound cheasy to whomever may read this, but hey im just letting out how i feel. maybe, im too young or whatever, but im surprised at myself of how i act. when im with him, i totally forget of others and just concentrate on him. it makes me sound so selfish and selfcentered, but hey what girl doesnt do that around a guy she totally cares about? others think hes wierd, or whatever, but all i can say is that, YOU DONT KNOW HIM like i do. i've been through so much and i have gotten where i wanted to be :) i love his sweet talks and his kind heart...

Quote 2

2009-12-06T13:54:00.001-08:00

"You ask me why I like you, and it's really something I can't put into words. Maybe it's because you make me happy most of the time. Maybe it's because you know how to keep a conversation with me. Maybe it's because you got me thinking about you before I go to sleep, and after I wake up. Maybe it's because I can be myself around you. Maybe it's because you bring the best out of me. Maybe it's because I can spend hours on the phone with you talking about the stupidest things. Maybe it's because I can never get enough of you. Maybe it's just because your just being yourself, and I'm slowly falling for you."

Quote 1

2009-12-02T01:41:00.001-08:00

I fell for him and he caught me. I didn't get attached to him because of how well he played the game,his smile or how sweet he was. I fell for him because I knew deep in my heart something was telling me to give this one guy a try something was telling me he might be different, something was telling me he'll treat me like a girl should be treated. So I gave it a try and from then and now our feelings grown for eachother and stronger and as I look back I'm glad I fell for him and I'm glad he was the guy to catch me.

November 28

2009-11-30T00:05:00.000-08:00

i woke up early got ready to go around the island with fam bam. daddy rented a big van and we all fit this time :) haha. dad took long buying food but we still had a great time. first we went to the pinapple maze at dole plantation. nicole and sister leaded my way through the maze lmfao. then after we went to other stops and took pictures. we at lunch/dinner at china mans hat. cole, sis and i went swim. we actually just sat in the water taking a break from everything ahaha. foood was delicious as always. left late there and we stoped over the other historic places like the blow hole place? yeah was freakin cold hah. then we went to tatlaus ! was especially cold, but the bright city lights were beautiful. to me if this is just hawaii, whats it like in new york city? ONE DAY ill know :) ahah. when we got home i was tired, nicole slept while i was on comp tweaking.

later that night, i got a call from babes brother asking where jonathan was and phone numbers. i didnt know anyone of his friends number.... that left me worrying about him... his cousin comments me asking where he is... now im scared... but i stayed up that night uploading pics to myspace, lucky i was cuz i got a messeged from him ! yeah and i felt better, then we talked on the phone and i felt better :) ahaha

pics from the day :

black friday

2009-11-27T20:20:00.000-08:00

omfg im tired! i litterally shopped till i dropped.

so woke up like at 4 : 05 i think? and then went off to pick up sher and cole.
we got at alas around 5 : 45 and we went straight to forever 21. ahah so funny we just went by the door side cuz who said we had to wait in a line?? then all of a sudden was almost 6 and everyone crowded the doors. yippe we were like one of the 100's to go in. i got skinny jeans that were dirty cheap ! and a top and cheap belt too hehe. was long line tho. then after we went to prototype i thinkk, bought some shirts for myself again ah. next off to wards, suppose to go im4mation but we ended up going to dig lifestyle, cheap things there too ! i got a gift for my homie ;) then we went back to alas, we went to pacsun, vans, i didnt buy from there, sherry bought a lot ! ahaha. then after we went and eat at genkis. yummie. my sisters first time going there aha. we also went slipper house and jeans wearhouse. i got some slippers and a top. after i guess we went to random stores to pass time cuz dad picked us up at 2 : 30

i got tired carrying the bags. my arm go like itchy ahah. but everything was worth it. i bought part of babes gift ;) its a useful thing hah. and then i had to wait in a long ass line just for buy his gift sheet ! its okay hehe. anywyas he never come, but at least he called to check up on me hehe ;) ahh i miss that loooser. im keeping myself busy so that i dont need to think about missing him too much ahah !

welll happy black friday peeps ! its my first time spending it with others, sherry, cole, and sis. it was fun ! and waiting in lines was worth it. i just was dissapointed in one shirt ! lmfao i guess ill give it as a gift ?! haha.

Thanksgiving-Truth day

2009-11-26T23:28:00.000-08:00

so today in the morning i went to church. i learned that we should be thankful everyday. we can live our lives not thanking others but that's not going to show happiness. when you become a thankful person you share joy and love-thats what matters in life.

after church, went with ma cuz she wanted to get somethings from kmart cuz had sale i guess. then during the ride back home i asked ma questions. i was giving hints on how i have a boyfriend. i wanted to tell her right then but i was afraid on how she would react and i didnt really want my father knowing i had one! but, subject changed as we picked up turkey.

i got home and then babe called :) he made my day. he made me realize how thaknful he is to have me. im thankful sooo much to have him as my boyfriend. ive known him for awhile, and i can say i care a lot about him. he treats me a way that i havent been treated before. i love the way we just make trouble to each other. i love when we kiss because it makes me feel all bubbly. i love when im with him because it just makes me feel all warm inside. yeah, you may not think hes the perfect boyfriend, but to me hes all i ever asked for that i never thought i needed. he totally proved a differnt side to me even though he has his fooolish side, i take it in cuz no ones perfect right... anyways even if we didnt talk for several minutes, with you remembering to call me and greeting me, ment a lot to me. he told me he couldnt go black friday shoppin wit me cuz he had to finish his project i guess. its okay i understand, its suppose to be us girls shoppin anyways ;)

after his call, i realized i hated keeping him a secret... then i got hungry and ma called aunty them for come over so we can have our thanksgiving lunch. while waiting for them, ma dad and sis were around the table. ma asked me "do you have a boyfriend anako" i stuttered and said "ughh" and then she saww me blush so she knew it was obvious. so i just admitted. and surprisingly, they find it funny, cuz now they tease me and they want to meet him ahah ! i thot they were gonna get mad at me. but nahh, they understand that im a teenager and this is natural ahah. dad didnt get mad ahah! he was a bit sad i could see in his eyes cuz his baby girl has a boyfrind lmfao ! but, letting that out i felt better. i felt like i dont need to hide anything anymore. i didnt tell babe that my parents know yet, next time he calls ill surprize him ! aha :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ;)
this isnt my whole day, there was also a black out in the afternoon. ahaha. ma went work and i just bonded wit sis and dad as usual when its black out. im full and just gonna get ready for sleep cuz tomarro im goin shopping ;D hopefully i find great dealls hehe !

ive missed you

2009-11-25T18:25:00.000-08:00

this whole three days of school was killihg me. the thought of not having to see you for four days sucked. i mean im not trying to be dependent on you but i just missed you. before i was so used to you being busy, now that you werent i was glad that i could spend time with you. monday was an okay day. tuesday was a annoying day. i didnt really get much hours with you ! sheeet. you wasnt even there lunch time and i was sad. whever im sad i just try to put a smile but i just turn into a frown. i got annoyed and i didnt want to spread it to the rest of the people haha. i never thought id feel like this for anyone. i mean its my first time feeling like this in a while. i hate caring too much for you. but, i cant help it, i cant control it. today was better i guess. being with you is fun as usual and it makes me feel warm inside that i have you by my side ;) you get some moody times but im used to it, cuz i get thoes feelings too aha. you didnt come the other times because you were off learning with him and im glad your trying your best to get a better grade ;) cuz you wanna beat me thats why ! ahah.

hmmm... i wonder why tears fall when i miss you. its not the end of the world if i dont see you. but i just hurt, cuz i always wonder things and i hate that. thinking of you is a constant habbit for me eversince long time. its not like hes gonna see this anyways, but im thankful to have met him.

date with babe

2009-11-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

i remember our other dates taahaha. i love this one too ;)
you said its a date because its for our month-a-versery thingy ahaha !
you toook me out to wards and we watched new moon the day it came out ;) you worried that it was sold out, but then i said no worries cuz i called them up yesterday and asked if it was sold out and they said no. stupid friend of mines told me it was sold out fuckn guy was just saying that because he wanted for come stupid shet wanted for ruin my day even though i warned him yesterday that i didnt want to deal with him today lmfao.

ANYWAYS, new moon was awesome ! i mean was so sexxy the bodies, the scenes were so touching. i was like tearing up because edward left bella. and ughh was so sad haha. babe was a bit of distraction but its okay hehe ;) the wolfs were hella big and interesting ! haha. awww i loved how there was a bit of funny scenes lmfao. ohh and the ending ! oh gosh ahah ! babe was kina mad of how it ended, but thats how it ended in the book ;P cant wait till next year in july ! hahaha.

after new moons, babe and i walked towards alas and we ate genkis. i didnt eat much, just the usual. babe likes to treat me even if i insited i pay haha. hes suppper nice ;) and im thankful hes there for me and i get to spend time with him like this. its the happiest momments of my life.

i didnt wanna go home early so i went with babe to da planet or watever its called. watched babe play games while i listend to itouch haha. i got a bit bored though but i didnt wanna go home by myself. so we went bus together after, and i fell asleep with him in the begining haha. me and him were tired dont know why, i guess we woke up eary thats why ahah ;)

i love him uuuubeeeerrr duuubeeer muuuuchhh ;D happy furlough friday hahaha.

pics from the day :

lately,

2009-11-19T17:30:00.000-08:00

i haven't been updating much. i usually do everyday. haahah. reason is, schoools preety hectic. projects are due often now, stupid furloughs ! ahah. anyways, business class is alright with me. the people i have in it help make that class fun hehe. right? english class is fun tooo :) im thankful that even if im an honors english, its not that hard compared to other students who don't have honors. but, i guess we sorta take advantage of her, which is not good. MATH omg its hard lately, i went down so much precents. tear* fcken sheeet i gett it but i guess im getting preety lazy and am very careless now a days. hmm... cooking class is awesome as usual, it satisfies me hehe.

errr myspace got me somewhat addicted to searching up great deals on outfits. haha boutiques on myspace? yeup serious. its funny, i used to think ayee what kind that, but now im the one buying ! shet i gotta stop because i need to save for...black friday and christmas haha. my mom tells me i buy too much.

friends, its the same i guesss. it has been rough for me a bit with others. i just get so irritated when people invite themselves to places and ruin things. fuck. and i hate the fact that things have to be repeated and i hate having to waste my breath shet. sometimes that person doesn't even understand how this frienship works, its a reciprocal thing, if your always complaining about your life and being such a pussy then why should i stay when you dont even listen to what i say. but i guess, i just have to deal with, i already am, im ignoring this situation...

the 18th day of the month just recently past ;) i love that day. its the day i said yes officially hehe. im so glad to have met you long ago and loook at us now baby ;) you make me smile with the little things you do, i know that sound so corny, but its okay. you say things that make me feel all smiley ;) i love making trouble to you and so do you. you make me realize why i have fallen for you.

recent photos taken:

Sunday Morning Reflection

2009-11-15T11:32:00.001-08:00

i missed church last week. i felt so crappy that day and tired. today i felt like i haven't been in church for the longest time when it was just last week that i didn't go. anyways, today i woke up early and went to church. i felt awake, and made sure i payed attention. i love it when father reads the gospel, because that teaches me a lesson. today's gospel was about the sacrifice and talking about the world? sorry i don't remember exact words. the thing i love about church the most is when father gives out a speech, when he preaches towards us. it interest me because he relates it to the reality and what he said to day made sence to me ;) haha. he told us about the 2012 movie how he doesn't believe in it and that the reason they probally made it was because they have interperet the scriptions. he says that they took pieces out from the bible storys and tried to make sence out of it when really its not true ! the only way to do right is to belive god is there for us in our hearts. to trust in him. to make sure you live out your faith everyday. he told us how we always ask "why does bad things happen to good people" well the reason is that even if bad things happen to good people and the bad people seem to be doing alright, is that god wants us to live out our faith, and to believe that he is there and so we need to triumph over the hardships. he told us to never give up in anything even if it seems tough. because in the end, good will triumph all no matter what. he reminded us how we live in an Imperfect world, there will always be people trying to discourage us, but its up to us to learn how to put up with it. i trust in god and im hoping to be closer to him on my journey in becoming confirmed :D

i love

2009-11-08T22:32:00.000-08:00

how babe analyzes his dreams about me and him :)
how he tells me these stories
how he makes me feel loved
how babe makes me smile all over again
how he reassures me
how he compliments me
how babe shows me his affection
how he makes trouble to me
how he teaches me about reality
how babe is there for me
how he tells me the truth
how he makes time for me
how babe listens to me more often now a days :P
how he realizes how much i am to him
how he knows im here for him
how babe knows i love him :D

Stubborn

2009-11-06T14:15:00.000-08:00

wow, you really showed me your different side of you yesterday. seriously i thought you would understand the decision that i made. i thought you knew me. you didn't, you went right ahead and been stubborn. what do you expect me to do? he's my boyfriend and he asked too. if you were in my position you would have done the same, tell me not ? seriously, you blew me off just like that. just when i was the happiest person getting my braces off, you go ahead and act so ughhh and ruined my day. hey i gave you another chance afterschool. yet you still didnt care to take a picture with me. you knew it was my day that i was happy. what? i failed you ? just because of that you werent proud of me? im sorry gosh :(

apparantly today is your day. you call and asked me to go but i wasnt sure. i told you how you acted like what you did yesterday and you said sorry. now i say "why should i go" and you just go "nevermind". i hate your short answers. so what now? why cant i do the things that you do to me back to you ? its not only this time. everytime i ask about things, you dont let me know right away, i always gotta go deep and ask again? when you just want me to say what i want to say. i dont force you or anything and look... man fck it. hows this for beign a homie to me...

but, hey this is just my point of view as of today. dont make it my last impression of everything... i dont want it to be like this.

BRACES OFF !

2009-11-05T22:41:00.000-08:00

today i woke up excited :) went to school and got a pass. babe remembered that i was taking off my braces that day. having him take notice of things made me start off my day happy :)

went to ala moana. doctor took off braces. i thot was gon take long, but was preety fast the process. haha wasnt even hurtful ! was cool cuz they just went crush the braces and then the whole thing came off. then after that doc just when clean the glue and cement or whatever. after his assistant pollished my teeth ;) then they molded my teeth so they could make my retainers. the lady took pictures. then doc compared my pictures bfore and after. WOW DIFFERNT! haha i was such a seventh grader that time i had no braces. awww im glad my parents gave me braces :D it made a big differnce and boosted up my self esteem hehe.

first food i ate?? McMuffin ! lmfao ! i forgot how that tasted like, then as i taste it i fell in love with it? ahhaa. anyways got to shoool early. went to period two, didnt expect to lols. people noticed and complimented me :) thanks hehe. i tried not to smile but i kept smiling hehe. then after that period three. then lunch :) i kept smiling, some noticed, some didnt. the ones that noticed were the ones who look at me everyday because they care :D hehe. anyways, babe called just so he could be the first to take a picture. so i went upstairs to meet up with babe since he had to do a meeting. i was afraid to smile at him tho haha. but i ended up because i couldnt hold it in ;) then i took pics with him.

afterschool, went to ala moanas with my usual usuals. we ate genkis :) we had laughter ! bah was so funny, we should video tape everytime ? haha jk. anyways, i ate and finished and was full haha. then after we all seperated. i went to get my retainers. my retainers help my teeth become shiney ! hehe its so cool but its kind of wierd. but it feels like i still have braces ! haha. i wanted to get my teeth whitened today. ma said i could next time after i go to a dental appointment haha :D

pictures from today :)

havent posted up

2009-11-03T21:02:00.000-08:00

things for days ? ahaha surprizingly. i usually do like almost everyday or event that happend in my life. lately, i've been totally busy on school, friends, family, and boyfriend.

its not really hard to juggle its just the hw that gets on my nerves. buisness class is its usual, fun and boring haha. english seems to get a bit harder, but i should appreciate i dont have a hard teacher even if im in honors class or should i say "honors Honors" hahah. alg two? hmmm its a struggle, but im getting it pace by pace. im hopping i dont slack on the tests damn it. meal managment which is cooking class is always fun ;)

i love hanging with the poeple i already am with, there no need to be another person around them. im totally me with them. ive gotten so close to the ones i thought i wouldnt have. but sometimes, i hate being mistaken to be tooo nice. because when i always try to help, its never reciprocal? its always about YOUR fuckn feelings. lately youve been a BITCH to me. thinking im your bitch. maybe im exagerating it a bit, but i just dont want our friendship to come to the point where im so irritated by being taken advantage of. however, im just thankful people count on me ;D

my family always has its up and down, but im learning to handle my anger, even if i may have blown up today just because dad rearranged my room. i was venting towards mother never realizing i havent thanked her for cleaning it. i said sorry and thank you to ma and aunt. i punished myself by rearranging my room and fixing stuff for an hour haha, with the help of sis of course ;)

my boyfriend, yeah him? of course him ;) ive learned you cant miss someone if your always with him. i remember how you were totally busy with your activities, i used to be jealouse that that goes first before me. i used to think that im not worth your time. but babe always proves me wrong. he tells me im number one. yeah sure he doesnt call as often as i want him to, but i understand his situation. i love it when he calls at times i dont even expect him to. to hear him tell me goodmorning and tell me how much he loves me and such, just makes my day, even if its only for a couple of minutes. lately, things are getting better. im just thankful to have him.

wet n wild

2009-10-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

as known as water park lols.

hmm woke up early to get ready to meet up with the rest of the peeps.
jay changed the plans. his mom suppose to take us to wet n wild,
instead they came my house to wait for my dad to take us.
haha babe knows where i live now ;P
anyways i went with babe, jay, gabe, and heather to water park.
we had a discount on the ticket. hmm...

first thing we do, get lockers. then we go ride the rides. i think we rode the new ride, i forgot whats it called. hmm i screamed at time tahaha. so shame. then we went on other rides. it was supper fun but tiring walking up to the rides lmfao. babe was scared to ride the tornado but i made him hehe. the bay was fun, right ? tahha. we ate lunch after. uhmm that made me full. right after we ate we went to the place where you just chill in the floaty and go around and around the course haha.

aww today just made my day. hehe spent it wisely. although we had to change the person to pick us up since the other one couldnt pull through. thats okay tho. babe was late for tshirt ;( hmm i feel bad ahah. but he said its okay hehe. i love spending time with him, of course hehe.

pictures from the day:
from my cellphone because my camera was getting fixed ahah.

with the usual usuals

2009-10-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

today i went with sherry, shindy, and jay. i think were the ones that are still standing. theres still the rest, but usually were the ones cruizing ;) its okay, thery'll be other days with the others. i love them :D hehe.

well woke up early tahah. thought we were all meeting up at 8:30 ended up meeting at 9:45 lols. then we all took bus. got to alas. first thing we did was go to Vans ! ahah we needed to find the right size for our shoes "era's" hehe. its the same type of shoe of jays lmfao ! plan job ! tahaha. hmm i discovered my feet grew a shoe size ! yay ! hahaha. so funny.

then we ate at genki sushi hehe. shindys first time. i ate the usual things i ate there. was delicious.
after we just went to the places we wanted to go. we went to stores even if we didnt have money :( hahaa. today i went victorias secrets first time, hooo sooo coool and preety and smell good the place lols. then we went other places. next we went to apples, take pictures of course ! after we went to jungle fun. hahah i love the photobooth there. NOT REALLY ahah.

haha okay so we plan to take pictures right. so then after we press the button to take pictures, the count off was so fast ! and we didnt notice that ! oh and the camera was only ment for ONE HEAD, we had FOUR HEADS TO TRY AND FIT. we ended up squishing each other and some didnt fit in lmfao ! then the second to last shot, no one was in, then the last shot cracked me up. jay had a solo pic. shindy said "jay took the fourth shot because he didnt get in the other pictures" ahha shindy sherry and i all started cracking up cuz funny the picture ! hehe. i swear i was having tears of joys ! lmfao. awww even if we didnt get the pics we wanted, we still had fun. ehehe.

then we headed off to games then dad picked us up and i dropped them off home. ;) what a day. hehe.

furlough day

2009-10-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

hahaha so funny its a furlough day today. its where the public schools get close down because they want to cut down on teachers pay and save electricity. but the thing is i hate it and love it. hate it because it has so much bad things about it. first of all i have more homework now because teacher dont get to teach and so they make sure we learn something on these furlough fridays. secoundly teachers get low pay, which makes me feel sorry for them. they're the people who need to get paid a lot because they put up with us students in their life and they should get paid what they deserve. and wtf is up with the government trying to save energy. i mean LOOK AT the own government building, SO MUCH electricity?! how about you thinking about the environment by not building too much housing and shet like that. so STUPID i tell you. SAVE your fuckin money, stop taking it out and school. whats going to happen to us students now, especially the stupid one. their not going to get inspired to go school anymore, their not gonna take school serious. hmmm if anything, im going to BLAME the government for creating this kind shet. economy is hard, just work hard.

the good thing is i get to wake up later. i get to go cruizin with friends. i have reasons to be abel to go out more often tahah. i can like spend time with fam bam too. hmm... thats mostly about it ? oh wells ahah.

today im just at home because yesterday my aunty came from the philipins. imma fix my clothes because frick, too much and i gotta see which i use. oh and im glad she came from p.i that way she can help my ma and pa and me too thaha. i love the clothes i got from p.i i guess :) lols. hmmm.. gonna go to it now byee.

usually,

2009-10-23T13:39:00.001-07:00

i miss the usuals who hung out every afterschool during homecoming week.
im glad i met them. i mean they mean a lot to me now that i got to know them well ! its fun being with them. we can just be random sometimes and we'd laugh. i've gotten close to other that i'd thought id never get close to. i feel so thankful and whenever they go to me for help im so happy because in a way its like there trust for me is getting stronger ;) sometimes its hard tho... giving advice. i would say things but i dont even take my own advice sometimes. i guess we just going to deal with it with each other right? we can get through this right? i mean its not the end, just the begining. i cant wait till we have another even that way we can all come together again and forget the awkward moments and just hang like we did before. i understand everyones situation. i dont want to ruin anything either, i especially dont want to loose anyone at the moment. i love my usuals ;D theyr'e the type of people that accepts each other because we like to have fun and work hard ahhah !

surprised

2009-10-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

that im still with you
that i put up with the shet we go through
that i understand you
that you understand me, sometimes*
that we fuss and fight in a funny way
that we get a long
that were still here for each other
that everyone watches over what we do
that you piss me off but i let it go
that you irritate the fuck out of me
that i irritate the fuck out of you
that even if we do i still love you
that even if your hurt you still love me
that even if i cry you dont know what to say
that you feel guilty whenever im sad
that you spend your money on me
that your the opposite of whatever i wanted
that no one knows you like the way i do
that no matter the wheather, babe ill be here
that im not leaving, your not leaving
that weve been together for awhile
that we met freshmen year and look at us now baby ;)

JAB<3

God Is Love

2009-10-23T01:49:00.000-07:00

i joined confirmation because my mother belived that it will be good for me.
i only did it for her thinking it was going to be a horrible experience.

but everytime i go, i have a stronger faith in god.
i have friends that go to the same place as me and its fun to share it with them.
i learn new things when i go there.
i mean yeah sure it gets boring at times, but its worth my time.
i didnt come into this knowing id get something out of it.
i proved myself wrong, that this will improve me.
i belive it has an impact on how i act towards things now.

before all this, i felt that god wasnt close to me.
i felt giving up everytime i was down. i felt that he wasnt on my side.
i felt it was hard to search for him. i felt he couldn't hear what i was praying.

but, i realize that there is one god and hes there in our existence.
he is our faith and our holy spirt.
i thank him for all the things that are given to me in life.
im fortunate to have the things that make me happy in life.

i learned that society plays a great role in our lives.
in order to be with god you need to be in service to others.
to be humble to others and respect each other.
to sacrafice for things so that you can get something back.
no mater what happens, things happen for a reason.
god is not going to give you something you cannot handle in life.
but whatever happens i have learned to understand the differnt point of views.
to not judge anyone because only god can.

i could talk about this for a long time.
i never thought i would be so interested in this.
im thankful im going through this. i want to be confirmed.
experincing confirmation is going to a ride of my life ;)

People

2009-10-15T20:34:00.001-07:00

sometimes irritate the fuck out of me.
i mean thanks for telling me the informations, and i appreciate what you guys are trying to do. just letting me know the truth.
but sometimes you dont need to go up to him and irritate him.
stop judging what hes doing. your never gonna be in his position. your not going to understand what he does. NO ONE is fuckn perfect. and so what if you think its a waste, its something that makes him happy.
yesterday having him complain to me about people bugging him about his hobbies made me feel so bad. yeah i thought it was lame, but in the end i respect what he does. seeing him so frustrated makes me so sad. feeling guilty because people care about me and he thinks no one cares about him. but i care.... i learned from him to accept people as they are. he made me realize everything. my wierdo, cares...thanks for sticking with all the crap thats thrown at us. as you said you wished you lived in a world where its just you and i...

Back to school

2009-10-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

fall break was the funnest one i had yet. i got to spend a lot of my time with my friends ! i spent a lot tho taahaha, thats okay everything for me was worth and worth my time. ive met great people during school and i got to know them better. its funny how high school brings people together. im super glad i met my usuals :) hmm....

ANYWAYS, school! i got up my usual time which is 5:55 lols. got ready then went and walked with nicole to school. went to usual spot. someone told me something about my wierdo. so i went straight foward and had a talk. but my wierdo explaind everything, so i guess things are alright. i wont forget but like im fine i guess haha. my classes went by fast.

afterschool went to one council meeting fast kine. then after wards the usuals walked over to dillingham side to have a back to school outing. babe walked with me tee hehe. well wish hed came but he went to his friens house lmfao ! what a wierdo. jk hah. anyways, suppose to go honu sushi but frick, was busy. so we went l&l. i dont really like their food but i was hungry and ate kalbi. after that, the usuals took group picture like always hehe. so funny tho. hmm i wish i had a new cam tahha. just gonna have to wait i guess. frick lol.

thought of the day 10.12.09

2009-10-13T00:06:00.000-07:00

that you wanted to be close again.
we always try to keep in touch
and then we loose it ?
i dont get you sometimes.
seriously, i try to keep in touch.
i know you have but then what happend ?
i comment pictures and i dont get anything back.
its like you dont appreciate that i try.
but thats okay i mean i can deal with it.
you say you were always there for me.
but now you really dont want to be.
once i saw i wasnt on it anymore i realize you dont wanna be there for me.
after all the things i said it was like nothing?
i mean i thot i couldve at least tried again to regain that friendship.
but i guess i dont deserve that place anymore.
thanks tho for the memories that we had back them.
thanks tho for helping me.
i wont forget you no matter what, like i said.
sorry for whatever i have done that made you take me off...
i hope you know ill still be here.
i just feel hurt because i thought you wanted me to open up to you...

party

2009-10-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

@ gabes house. it was his actually his birthday party but pass his birthday day lols. sorry i dont know if that made sense lols. hmmm sang kareoke then ate. after that we watched friday the 13th. it was scary and stupid and gross ! lols. jason never dies !!! tahahaha. after that took pictures then ma picked us up. droped of a friend and went home.

home sweet home. at least i thought so. i hate having to be erked by sister. i hate having to find a messege on myspace teling me something of what he did. saying how he can do that ! and fuck i hate how i cant even contact you so i can get everything straight out because people are irritating me. and i dont want to belive that you did that but at the same time if you did YOUR STUPID AS HELL ! ughhh*. i understand itll be your choice but then again, YOUR NOT THINKING.
and My ma and dad are erking. fuck ! no like give me money. shet piss me off. i no shope a lot i just go out a lot. hmm i wna sleep early today...

a Usual Day :) 10.09.09

2009-10-10T02:52:00.000-07:00

woke up early to clean my room. then dad took me to ala moanas so i can buy the dvd "a walk to remember" and he bought "orange chicken and fried rice from pandas" DELICIOUS ! hehe.

after that i went over to foodland side to pick up some people. jay, sherry, shindy, and sara. nicole was already at my house and we picked up brandon after. we started off by making our brownies. then we ate lunch. mhmmm panda express ! tahaha.

after, we changed into the clothes we were gonna get wet in. each group made waterballoons. thanks sherry for buying them ! it was fun making them i guess but it was a long process ? lols. micah came on time before we started our water balloon fight lols. so we sepreated into girls vs boys. obviously us girls were bad aimers lols ! thats okay. we ended up hitting each other with water balloons. after all was gone we used the hose which was like a sprinkler or a shower ! lols. we kept splashing water. i felt like a kid! haha. it was funny ;) eww my hair was wet and everyone had to see haha. thats okay tho it was worth it. i loved it hehe. then we took vids and pictures of course.

after that we changed and then got some brownies with ice cream and drank smoothies too that my dad made in the begining. we watched the movie a walk to remember. jay and micah didnt watch it before. movie was wonderfull. i teared up in parts lols. awww us girls were ;( idk about the guys tho lols ! anyways, after that sara and shindy had to leave. mother dropped them off. while they left, had sherry nicole micah brandon and jay left. we all sang kareoke. it was funny haha we were singing anykind. then micah left, and the rest of us were waiting and passing time while dad was getting ready to drop the rest home.

babe called unexpectedly ! lols. i missed it tho two times, i hate missing his calls. but luckilly he called again ;) and yeah im glad he thought to call today hehe. oh and then i listend to his voicemail he left, soooo cutee ! hehe. so yeah that was a happy day today ^__^

im thankful i have parents that allow me to do this. i just gotta make sure they know that i appreciate them. i love them soooo much. thanks to everyone who came today :) thanks for enjoying here at my place. hope we do this again hehe.

pictures of the day:

w/ <3 10.08.09

2009-10-10T02:41:00.000-07:00

i get up in the morning because you call to remind me what time your gonna be there at the bus stop. and i think yay babe remembers.

i get up later and get readdy. mom took long to drop me off. i felt nervous cuz i was thinking he mustve got tired and left... but nope, i was two minutes late from the time i told him i would be there. but he looked so mad as i met him. he told me he was just tired and that the heat was getting to him lols. hmm... then our bus comes and we had to sit sepearte for awhile. then afterwards we sat together ;) i felt so happy at the moment cuz it was like the last time we were together on the bus hehe.

then we got to alas. you talk about your life as i listen. you tell me these somewhat weird but interesting things that youve experienced. its okay that i dont tell much because i just want you to know im here to listen. sometimes i wish you would care to ask tho, but then again my lifes complicated? tahaha.

first thing me and him does, SHOPPING. hahah. you bought stuff and you offered to get me something. and heck if someone offers i accept. i wont accept if i dont deserve it, and yeahp i preety much deserve what you bought me :) i got shoes that i always wanted ! thanks babe. after that we went over to genkis and ate for lunch. i got full fast everytime i eat with you ! i dont know why tahaha. i love these moments with you, it makes me realize that you actually care about me and that this is how i fall more for you ;) anyways, after that we went downstairs and i wanted slippers so badly. you told me i could have so thanks babe for buying me these things. but thats not the reason why i love you and ive told you that lols.

after that, we went looking for jay. while we did i found out some new things about you. it surprises me on how your really differnt, its just that you hide your abilities to be that great person that i see to others. i wish you would prove them wrong because youve proved me wrong. so as we met up with jay, you had to leave. and it was okay because all that mattered was you spent time with me..
.

wake up call

2009-10-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

today you call early in the morning because that was the time everyone at your place was still sleeping. and you had to get ready for go to you erking tshirt theater meetings. anyways, once i heard your ringtone i automatically grab my phone and wake up ;) just to hear your voice made my day. you told me how your sorry that your so busy. you tell me how much you miss me. i tell you how much youve hurted me and how much i cried for you cuz i thought you have forgoten me. but you tell me how you can never have a time to forget me. you tell me how you wonder if i ever am loosing feelings because you hardly have time for me. i tell you that thats what i thought about you. you told me you had a wake up call dream. meaning you dreamt that dream and it made you realize that you needed to talk to me. see babe thats good, but i just wish it was more often not just here and then. i dont blame you tho, you just wanna be active. i blame the things you join actually...
anyways, i tell you something and then again you realize and you invite me to go to my favorite place genkis. yay so its me and you thing tomaro ;) hopefully you keep your word...

FML

2009-10-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

my mother is my savior. without her i dont know what i would do.
thats what a typical daughter/son would say.
but my mother is the strongest fighter. she went through so much sickness and is still here fighting for us. now that you can say is a true caring person.
please lord dont take my mother away from me.
i overheard my mother saying she should stop being nice so that god wont take her as his angel.
that hit me right there... i dont want to loose my mother.
shes alright right now... but shes suffering with depression.
she still has to go through this treatment...
i wont be able to see her for days... how the fuck can i handle that.
i cant even explain this to anyone because i know they wont know how i feel.
they wont be able to help me, and i cant blame anyone.
all i could do right now is make it up to my mom, to make her proud in the end.
to make her feel that everything she has done for my family is worth it for her.
i dont want to dissapoint her... but its soo fuckn hard to be able to see that i cant do anything about this. i wish i had the powers to make her stronger...
she tells me shes gonna get weak... all i could say is mom i love you so much...

i feel guilty tho. with all the trouble my mom is going through, i still think of YOU.
i think of how i wish you were there for me as i get through this with my family.
i think of how you could be here with me and see how im suffering.
i dont want to loose you either. i dont want to scare you off with all the troubles i have...
i just wish youd make an effort to care, because i think im your first ever that ever cared about you in this kind of way....

i wish you were still there for me the way you say you were. now that your trying to avoid me i cant do anything about it. because i understand how you feel. i mean i wish we could learn to forgive and forget. but heck i forgave but i can never forget that you would just go and do that without even letting me know. i told you i wouldnt judge you. i know it was hard for you. but heck its hard for me to see my own best friend going through some stressfull times in life. hey im stressed and i wished i had someone to talk to. you were the one i would go to but now i dont know why we dont communicate. the last time we did i was busy and so youd say youd call back. i never did get that back... thanks tho for everything.

yeah i have other best friends/close friends to go to for this kind of problems. but you were the one that truley understood me. i dont want to bother others because they have a great life. theyre happy and i dont want to make them feel worse. i dont want others to feel sorry for me. i dont want them to worry about me. all i want is for them to be happy... thats what you can call me, your true friend...

100509 out with the usuals

2009-10-06T01:55:00.001-07:00

hmmm woke up like around 9. mom made me do something for her on the comp. then i got ready for go out. mom took so long for take me too the bus stop.

had like half the crew already at the bus stop. haha i was the one who told everyone to be there by 10 45 and i was there around 11 ! im such a great planner? jus keeding. so we waitied for the rest of the people to come. then the bus came. and then after that we stopped by stadium and walkeeeed a loooong short walk to ice palace. i say short cuz was like only about 12 minutes walk? but it looked preety long to walk from stadium side to ice palace.
ice palace was fun. was cold and worth my money hehe. we toook like choke pictures. i wonder what people were thinking of us. camera whores? jus keeding. but like i loved being with them. some didnt know how for skate but they caught on preety fast hehe. some music made me feel down. cuz i wish he was there... but i skated it all out. and hey i didnt fall on the ice. i wanted too so badly but i didnt. i was like jinxing everyone so that i could get to fall but nawww.. i guess not jessica ! hahaha.

then sherrys mother picked us up. and we went to sherrys nice crib ;D we all chipped in and ordered pizza. we rented fast and fiurous the new one. pizza was good but then we ran out too fast ! lols. movie was good. hot cars ! tahaha. as i waited for dad to take us home, we went into sherrys room and raided it ! nah im just keeding sherri. but yeah im so jealouse, she has a lot of accesories ! tahaha. but like the usuals, we took pictures on her mac comp hehe.

well that was my day, it was preety fun speding time with them out of school hehe.

IMY SO MUCH

2009-10-05T00:43:00.000-07:00

you dont know how much i really do.
"Every second
every minute
every hour
every day
it's you that i've been thinkin of
and everyday
every week
every month
every year
with you i wanna be in love
'cause i can't get enough"

i wish i could say this to you every fuckn day.
but theres no contact.

i learned from god is that in a relationship you have to make an effort
its not just one person, its the other person also building that relationship
and that you have to make sacrafices in life.

thats what im doing. but somehow your not.
i dont know why i let you do this to me.
others think im so dumb for sticking with you, but heck i cant let go.

i mean even if you put me through this kind crap
i learn from it. and i love you no matter what. you told me that too.

but, dont worry,
im not always gonna let you do this to me.
im not always gonna put up with this.
if you understand then thats good,
if you dont then why bother?

To hear that you were somewhere else on that day you told me we were suppose to spend time, tear my heart apart. i mean like wow you totally forgot about me. i wish you realize that im that girl youll never meet again... so dont looose it or ill be gone...

my homie

2009-10-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

is the person that i always go to.
is the person that accepts me for who i am.
is the person that hears me complain about my life
is the person that i cry with
is the person who realizes im always there for uhm
is the person that doesnt get why i do things
is the person that i tell the truth.
is the person that notices when im down
is the person that knows me

after all thats said and done, i hope you realize im still here.
i dont want things to change. but what you told me hurted me.
and i cant do anything about it. i really wish i could but i cant.
so that leaves us to having to feel Hurt everytime.
like i say, just remember im always hurting when you are.

i dont wanna be the one to bother you.
i dont wanna be the one that hurts you
i dont wanna be the one that you lie to
i dont wanna be the one that complains
i dont wanna be the one that cause you trouble
i dont wanna be the one that gives you stress
i dont wanna be the one that you talk about
i dont wanna be the one that you hurt
i dont wanna be the one that just leaves
i dont wanna loose you as a homie at all.
but if you want to let me go then just let me know.

homecoming

2009-10-03T16:26:00.000-07:00

pep rally. everyones wearing marroon having that GOV pride
i was so nervouse to dance infront of thousands of students.
then the time came. we got into a circle and prayed in a way.
then we watched the other classes and before you knew it IT WAS OUR TURN.
it was class of 2012 dance.
i was so hyped up. i bumped into my partner walking down the gym floor lols.
then lookin up to sophomores place and saw people cheering.
but then i hear juniors boooing at us. what sore loosers.

the music starts as my partner and i do our thang.
i went hard because i wanted to prove to everyone that i aint just one smart kid.
i thought i went fast but i didnt. i went and did my all.
this was my dance that i created, that others helped inputed on.
i wasnt about to fail for everyone to see.
i wanted to own this sheeet.
i wanted my other dance members to be happy and say that their time was worth it.
im so thankful they put up with me... with all my strict yelling and all my "do it over"
it was a fun experince. it brought us "afterschool kids" clooserr than before.

im gonna miss having to spend afterschool time. homecoming week is finish.
and every minute counted afterschool cuz we didnt come in last place.

Homecoming game... ahhhh we got 14-16
kahuku beat farrington. sooo gayyy !
thats okay i stilll got that FARRINGTONG PRIDE MANN !!!!
enter to learn, go forth to serve.

where are you

2009-10-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

when i need you the most.
ive already explained to you how i felt.
on how i wish you were the one who was there for me all the time.
but you say your sorry and tell me how much you love me and how much you hurt when i talk to others.
i tell you i love you and i repeat to you how i only talk to them because your not there sometimes.
i tell you how i wish you would make time for me.
and you say dont worry your time will come.
and all i could think of shouldnt my time be everytime?
you say things that put me down but end up saying your joking.
but babe that actually hurts sometimes...

ive been there for you always. even if you put your lame things before me im still here.
i dont wanna leave you anytime soon.
you thought i was going to break up with you but babe im not.
im sorry i didnt tell you everything yesterday its just that i dont want to break down infront of you.
i dont want you to see me crying because im afraid of you doing the same.
i hate the fact that i can be such a drama queen.
but sometimes you think im such a girl, but babe what else do you want me to be?
a fuckn boy?!?!

you tell me how you hated me talking to that person and that it hurts you.
thanks for letting me know.
i can tell you try to be strong and not show your emotions.
but its so hard to be able to see what your feeling.
i wish you could just show and tell me instead of keeping your emotions inside.

why are you messing up things these days?
you told me from now on your gonna think of things, but babe you shoulda always thought of things before you say it.
i cant belive you might get out of stuff* but i dont want you too.
i wanna fight for you i wanna be in this for you.

you wanted to take me out today just you and i.
but i didnt know the info. i didnt know what time to go or where to meet.
i wished you called to remind me.
i called you so many times.
i even called your house even if i was afraid your step mom was gonna answer.
but your brother answerd and told me you went out.
so i ended up crushed because what if you actually went to meet me and i wasnt there.
i wanted so badly to be with you today.
i wanted so badly to just have these days alone with you and you to pay attention to me.

babe other people think your such a bad boyfriend, your so irritating, your so immature, your so idiot, your so worthless. BUT, the fact is, they dont know my side of the story. to be able to understand why i PUT UP WITH YOUR CRAP. cuz its a long story. i loved you for a long time and i dont wanna stop. at the moment i dont see myself looking at other guys just because you treat me like this. i belive that god put me with you to make me learn. to have me learn my mistakes, others mistake, that way i can grow to be a strong person in the long run. i told you I DONT care what other people think of you. ALL I care is WHEN your WITH ME and ONLY ME.

fourth day of homecoming

2009-10-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

today was powder puff football.
girls will be the football players while the guys are the cheerleaders ;)

yay ! sophomore football players won second place !!! hehe.
cheerleaders did the awesomest ! they weree sooo cutee ! tahahah.
thanks to the sophomores who participated in this even, they sure did a well job !
im sooo proud hehe. made me feel better because yesterday was bleh :/ tahaha.

afterschool was good. got moves down and in sync. outfits are figured out.
all we gotta do is to be be nervouse and go all out tomaro ! hopefully.
im just gonna expect us to have fun ;)
OH and banners loook soooo sexxy yeah s'mores. thanks to the people who helped they are the best helping out afterschool hehe.

pics and vids will be posted up later.

third day of homecoming week

2009-09-30T23:56:00.001-07:00

hmmm..
today lunch was class color day.
sophomores got thrid place.

whats funny is that seniors and sophomores always go at it ? why lmfao.
cuz we got class spirt ;)

anyways, afteerschool. damn it.
our practice was even better then our actual peformance.
we got last. OUR SONG DESEERVED BETTER
F***N PEOPLE RUINED IT.
WHY YOU GUYS COME TO THE ACTUAL DAY WHEN YOU NEVER COME PRACTICE.
So errking that kine. MESS US UP. we shoulda went with the people who actually knew the fuckn song by heart. AND TO YOU PEOPLE who werent in SYNC with us, gahh ruined our spirt.
i mean we was all hyped up but frick i guess that the less is better.
hopefully next year is not like this.

and YOU, gah i cant belive you dont know me. i cant belive you dont know what to do. i cant belive that weve known each other for so long and been together that you still dont know how to act. seriously, you add soo much saddness. i mean like when will you realize that im the real deal. gah. i always put up with your crap. i wish you would understand.

and TO ADD to all my F***N stress is that during dance practice, i seen seniors.
wth ? our dance is sooo similliar to theres ;( tear. i mean like i broke down. i couldnt take it anymore. and I WISH YOU WERE BY MY SIDE, but your friends are worth your time then me. you dont show it so thats what i am left to belive.

OMG im not even done with my career essay. stupid business. why dont we learn business not our fuckn career in the future that mite not even be business ;( ughhh *

im sooo tired at the moment. if tomaro we win something, ill be better...
so hopefully 2012 gets better tomaro.

Banner Parade

2009-09-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

was today !!!
guess who won????

hmm... SOPHOMORES CLASS OF 2012 !!!
last year as freshmens we won banner parade too !!!! tahaha
cant wait till next year ! lmfao.

so funny, seniors and sophomores were like going at it bah !
but thats how much we have class spirit ;)
suppper prouuud of 2012
just hope we can keep it up for the next two years !

welll, for heavy weights we got third :( babe told me were suppose to have second? hmm.
kina unfair tho heavy weights day. thats okay i guess.

afterschool today, song practice ! omg so little the crew now? err kina dissapointed but you kno wwhat, better than nothing. singing wore my throat but it got better later lmfao. i guess we just gotta pray that sophomores dont get last lols. im suuuper worried man !

hmmm... what else to say? wow i really miss you. today was like only seeing you for couple of seconds never having to be with you for a long period of time. i guess im the busy one this time or is it you not trying?!?!

pics and vids up soon.

homecoming

2009-09-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

weeek started today !

today was heavy weights. i dont know what place we got cuz people telling me this and that. bah i worried. i want 2012 to have class spirt !!!!!

tomaro is banner parade. i cant wait ;)

afterschool practice for dance was good. it came with some drama but whatever, what done is done. we need to just know what to do till friday ! ahhh ! lols pep rally omg !

anyways, song practice? woah dissapointed. like its deterioating ! wtf ! it used to be an abundance but now look ! ughh wedenesday is song contest ! and like tomaro is tuesday ! hopefully everyone comes tomaro? errr ;(

ughhh, you always think that by joking you think that i not gon take uhm seriously. you know me already and you still treat me like that. ughh yesterday you made my day, today you made it worst. im so fuckn "squirly" to you ???!

being ironic again...

2009-09-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

you tell me you love me.
as i tell you i love you.
you question me, saying how i dont love you.
i say "what you think i dont love you i do i do"
so i ask the same thing to you "what about you"
and he said of course i love you why else would i call up to just say good morning :)

but in the end, its ironic how YOU think i dont love you,
because i show my love for you everyfucknday.
what about you ?

however, i just wish youd do this more often.
to be able to call me at anytime anymoment just for me...

im still waiting, because i know one day youll realize what your doing.

TAYONG DALAWA

2009-09-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

I love that show. i didnt watch the begining but i started to like it eversince the middle part. Gerald Anderson, Jake Cuenca, and Coco Martin are all hotties :) i loved seeing their faces and omg yeah. i wish i could meet a person like them LMFAO! anyways, this show taught me a lot. i fell in love with the story line and the characters. some characters pissed me off, but hey thats what makes the freakin show interesting right?! but anywho, im thankful i understand what the show is talking about even if it is in filipino. this show was worth my time. i wish i watched everyshow, but i was busy err.

i learned that all you need in life is someone to be there for you. it doesnt matter who it is, all it matters is that they love you. its the key to life. people do wrong things, and of course they need to pay for it back, so when they want a better life, something was taken away from them. even a person who was kind and loving, their life could be taken away from you. but, god isnt just going to end it like that. theirs a reason they had you met that person. and theirs a point of it all. you loose some, and then you gain some. thats just how the cycle go. learning to accept that pride isnt everything, money isnt everything, and being alone is not healthy.

the way i wanted this to end was that... Jr and Audrey would live happily with their baby named Adrian. Dave would find someone else to love instead of Audrey. Dave, Jr, and Ramone would get along as brothers with the same mother. Daves other mother who adopted dave went to prison. Ramone would still be with Greta and he would be in prison while Greta's baby didnt die and was still there with them. Oh and lola getts would still be there with the whole sha bam fam bam. THATS how i wanted it to END.

but, thats not how it happend. its okay tho, it was good. i mean you cant please everyone with a happy ending. it gotta teach us a lesson so that was good. made me cry tho when fuckn daves other mother shot ramone and ramone became blind..... errrr. but im glad ramone, jr, dave, thier real mom merlya[sp] and baby adriam live good as a family. but shee, i got confused at the ending? is there another Tayong Dalawa?!?!? lmfao.

horoscope of the day

2009-09-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

"Don't let negative thinking get you down�criticism for its own sake is a waste of time. Lack of confidence can take the wind out of your sails, so believe in yourself even when others don't. Sail straight and true through the currents of self-doubt and ignore the sometimes jealous remarks of others who would see you give up. Small, multiple moves are favored over big leaps, they mount up and you go just as far."

that is my horescope of the day. i decided to post it up on blog because its true. i mean like yeah sure people wanna see me fail, but im not gonna let that happen. im just gonna do it my way and have fun with it. i have to try and take small steps rather then big ones that way i wont miss anything ;) tahaha.

awww

2009-09-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

your screensaver on your itouch is our picture :D
tee hee that made my day.

anyways, today was tiring.
school school school.
then practice practice practice.

i really hope everything going to work out.
i seriously dont want to see us crashing down as class 2012
i wish that whatever were doing is gonna be worth it
i know were competetive, thier cometetive. so we should suck it up and do our best.

lmfao. my head is not creative lately because to much crap from school to memorize. that makes it harder to create moves... errrr.
PLUS some people no even SHOW up to at Least ONE damn practice.
not our faults that they dont like the move or dont know how.
they should know what they gotten into and start participating.
gahh piss me off. you shoulda told us ur not in it so we can find others that already come to practices....

its so ironic

2009-09-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

LMFAO. i was complaining how you dont call anymore that i cant be able to tell you anything anymore. i was not expecting anything from you at all.

after i cried it all out, i sleep on it.

then i hear the song "statue by lil eddie"
i set that ringtone for you. and i was like MY mind is tricking me.
(remember im still sleeping at this point)
so i check my phone and it was your name !
and i immediately answer it :)

horoscope told me
"You may have a hard time maintaining a comfortable level of emotional detachment today if you acknowledge how much you like someone. You want to share your feelings, but could be afraid of exposing your vulnerability as you worry about being rejected. Your approach-avoidance dilemma raises long-standing relationships issues. Be patient; you won't receive answers to all your questions right away."

i didnt belive it because i doubt that id get a chance to speak to you.
but it was right, i explain about my feelings but not all of it.
i guess i have to be patient because i aint gettin answers to everything at the very moment.

i hate

2009-09-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

that its not your ringtone or your name on my phone that i answer.
that i have to depend on others for help because your not there
that im not a priority
that i can cry infront of others and not infront of you
that you dont know everything about me
that i dont know everything about you
that they doubt what you do
that they assume what were about
that they just judge
that i dont get enough time with you
that your always busy
that im the person that can have there green monster come out
that im the person that is always concerned
that im not strong enough without you
that i miss you
that i care about you
that i cant let you go even if i know the fuckn truth
that i love you...

hospital 091909

2009-09-20T02:19:00.000-07:00

woke up early today. because mom had to leave to go hospital. so i kissed her and told her i love her like i always do. then i went back to sleep. i dreamt wierd dreams, but maybe its making me realize things :) tahaha. anyways, got ready to go hospital before nicole comes. then when they came dad took us all to hospital to wait for mom to come from her operation.... its personal... anyways, we thought she was gonna come out early. but she didnt. to help time past by cole and i remenince about things. i called my hommie, and hommie prayed for my ma'. it was very heartfull and i appreciated it. then all of a sudden i broke down. thinking about my wierdo again. somehow i couldnt concentrate today, all i thought about was him. that looser. haha. first time in a long time i cried about uhm. you may not understand why, but its hard to explain. i mean you have to sit with me and listen to all my stories to be able to see where im at with all of this. dont assume shet because you dont know my story... ANYWAYS, music helped past time, ohh and EATING, cole and i were like eating at the cafe and haah. my sis complained bout me using the itouch to much ahah. well then after mom came out. i was scared, but doc said shes fine. and i was all glad to see her. but i still feel sad that shes going through this kind of crap again fck. but i belive that god wouldnt give anything to anyone for no reason. my mom is the strongest mother i know. and i love her so much that i dont know what i would do without her like seriously, im glad i have her.... shes not home yet, coming tomaro i guess.

supposingly a special day

2009-09-18T19:56:00.000-07:00

yeah, its the 18 day of the month. woke up all excited, dressed for success (inside joke*). came school early thinking id spend time with you. but then, as the time was ticking i didnt see you. as the bell rang you came along, but you were to late. wow, that settled my mood.
recess, you show up. im all glad. you reminded me what today was. me being speechless. then you leave... never having enough time... then its muah and off to classes.
lunch, i surprisingly saw you. you say nothing, so i say nothing. you were with your friend i was to. what am i to you? im guessing your friend is more important that i am. i let it go, thinking you were coming upstairs as usual, but i wait and i didnt see you.
after school, song practice is important so i stay. thinking you were coming as you did before, but no. i tried to not expect anything, but i suck at doing that. your suppose to at least be there, but i dont think i ever poped inside your head at the moment.
im sorry for feeling like this, but its not my fault, its yours.

im not gonna expect anything anymore out of you, for i is thy bess. thou shall not treat me thy way... i dont even know if im important to you anymore... and to hear that your gonna join another sport or whatever activity, makes me feel dissapointed. How Are You Gonna Make The Time for me....

letting out

2009-09-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

everything to you was hard. i mean i knew what i wanted to say, but its so hard to explain it to you when the clock was ticking. you came late, so that gave me about a minute to explain how i felt. i was really sad this morning eversince yesterday. so as i explained things to you, i bet that i left some parts out. i just said a summary. tahah. but, i guess you got the picture? hopefully you understood me. i hope you can learn from what i told you...

period one, KRYSTAL haah if your reading this HI :) tahah so funny. you know i blogg too much. and no i wont say bad things about you guys lols.
period two, OMG i love the story that were reading in that class. its so old greek but like its so deep and controversal! like how the man married the mother and had kids with her and killed his dad. BUT, he DOESNT know that that has happend. (its a prophecy that he does). you gotta read it to understand what im talking bout lmfao.
period three, i cant belive that math goes by the fastest for me. its cuz i think everything we do might be hard so i make sure i understand what is being taught. i think algebra two is easier then geometry ! lols.

LUNCH, rehearsals ! song contest, NEW song. hopefully i can memorize it :) i know i can, i know we all can. we just gotta be serious. ughh i hate it when people join and then they no come, maybe only once in a while. so FYL tahaha jus keeding mayn. i realize that class of 2012 goes through so much, and like we go through a lot of misshappenings, but then again i belive that its all ment to be that something better will prove to us that we can do this :)

period four, today we made the pizza batter. tomaro making pizza YAY mhmm i cant wait :) i always look foward to ending school with this class. especially i get funny people in that class.

after school, song practice. learnign the new song :) its preety good. we just gotta keep our head in it instead of worryin about freshmens or juniors or seniors? mhmm....

dissapointment

2009-09-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

today started out as normal as usual? recess i asked one little favor, for you to wait for me during lunch. then the time comes, you forget me. errr.... and then what at lunch ? you act like im a fuckn toy like you think that i wont get mad. you dont realize how much it fuckn hurts. ily so much and you treat me like that. i know you do to but you dont even show it...
OH and seeing you afterschool just talking to others" like that makes me feel kina stupid, did you even notice that im there? do i need to watch you do that? fck i dont even do that to you. i wish the green monster didnt live in me but i cant help it, and you dont even understand it. fck. sometimes i feel like you dont even care what my feelings are... after school pissed me off, shet i thot we had the auditorium, come to find out, we come looking ashamed thinking we could practice our class song their. and you gotta shove it in my face? fck i can face the facts you dont need to repeat it. you saw how mad i was and you think a simple muah could fix it? you should feeel bad... not even realizing the crap i go through in life... you dont even know crap anymore.... why do i deserve this... sometimes you make me feel happy but then theres always times you make me mad.

these days...

2009-09-15T20:06:00.001-07:00

today woke up went to school as usual.
i feel glad that your actually putting some effort. i seen her today, lucky the green monster didnt come out of me ahah. i was calm, as i learned to be. anyways, classes are good fun to me. yeah it bores me sometimes but then again i like my semester one classes. semester two classes are what i worry about but, hey just live up the good fun duirng the first semester lmfao.
my day goes by so fast that i didnt even notice. i think it goes by fast because i make sure i have something to look foward later on in my day ;) hehe.

lunch was good, but some people piss me off. i swear was i the only speaking up? i wish people would just listen, but NO they wanna have it their way. They were the ones who gave time to create this and you guys have the nerve to try and change everything else when you havent given a damn time into writing the song or even freakin listen to the whole song. You guys complain and complain when its already finish. gah how can this be so hard, just follow and participate, thats just the way it goes. opinions were needed long ago, where were you?! people dont understand how others work so hard and then for others to tell them what to do because they wont participate is kind of low spirited. so i suggest that it isnt our fault, you shouldve been there from the start. this is just how i feel, dont take it personally. im thanful for the ones who actually was there every after school helping out create the song, i dont know what would happen if it wasnt for them ;)

anyways, after i left song practice, i went dentist at kapolei. doctor put some braces inside teeth. haha complicated to understand, but i need to wear rubberbands everytime again?! ughh. but its okay hopefully it all works out after a month so i can take them braces off ;D hehe.

having fun

2009-09-13T14:10:00.001-07:00

at my homies birthday party. i went around four i think. dad let me hhaha. but i could tell he was thinking things, like how dads will :( hah anyways, i felt shame at first. i knew mostly everyone there at the party, but as the persona as i am i was quite. i sat watching them play games. then we ate. good food. then after everyone sat in a circle and talk stories and idk it was just funny. i kept laughing, my stomach was hurt even the rest of them ahaha. after that started like drizziling or gettin bored so we all went inside to eat cake. sang happy birthday to vince. then after we all went in the room again i think? watched people play games. i was playing with my itouch with others. cool i gotten to know some people ! hehe. and then afterwards i started feeling more comfortable around them. cuz they funny thats why ahaha. later everyone decieded to watch movies, fuckn funny the movie. the hangover. i never even really understand some parts haha. but yet it was good somehow. bah the room was so overcrowded. i felt closterphobic haha. legs touching others feet in peoples faces. haha just keeds. anyways, after that i think we all walked to sevens to get ice. then after we all talked stories again. i felt happy because i never feel left out. then some of us had to leave. we took pictures. was kina hectic when we had to take pics of the guys ! lmfao. when i went home hugged everyone cuz were all friendly :) then everyone was jerking so i said join in :D tahahah i felt kina stupid. but it was a good thing. hehe.

it made me realize, you cant just judge people. just be more open and everythings gonna be alright. and just have fun till you can tahahahah ;)

school makes me tired 09/11

2009-09-12T01:15:00.000-07:00

so today i woke up to get ready for school ahah. then pick up nicole and walk towards school. i see him and well be together for just minutes, then your off with your friends, which irritates me. but thats okay i gues? haah anyways period one test. ughh so erking longest test ?! nah but teacher kept talkin thats why. then recess. AYE you piss me off i swear. you dont notice im there, your suppose too looser ! i was super sad tha whole morning. you set my mood the rest of the day till lunch. lunch time as i go to the meeting i give my homie the rest of his present ! its actually his birthday tomaro lols. okay anyways, lunch? uhm sat by him, i realized i should cheer up a bit. he did by giving me food ahha. but, finally we had a convo again. i miss that wierdo soo much. he told me he wasnt goin meeting afterschool. wow set my mood again ... but, period four is my happy period. i get to eat in taht class ! mhmm we made chocolate filling crescents ! taste soooooo gooood :) hehe. anyways, afterschool started on banner. then surprizingly i see my wierdo ! haha i was happy again. but i had to leave to go to another meeting but i came back and yeah hehe :) after meeting, i walked with him to go home. well we actually made stops around places :P fun fun. anyways, sometimes you just make me mad, but i cant help but not be mad at you as you make me remember why i fell for you ;D thats why uoyevoli!

Another school day story,

2009-09-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

As usual, i wake up and go to school lols. this morning was okay. i know your trying thats good. i had a test for period 3, math. it was easy but kina confusing the last problems lol. lunch started out bad. i was so mad :( but i let it go as everyone started making me laugh, and we took pictures hehe. a girl loves to take pictures?! haha so cliche ! anyways, period 4, i love that class. i love cooking and cant wait to eat tomarrow. afterschool, i was suppose to go song contest practice, but i went to vc. my homie persuaded me to go, plus its his birthday soon i dont wanna dissapoint uhm lols. anyways, victory club was cool. i mean i learned about things, and felt a bit more closer to god. it tot me how your relationship with god shouldnt decrease, but just increase. i hopefully wish i can be that person to be close to him ;) after vc, we went over to song practice, sara and i missed it but its okay theres always tomawrro. took pictures agen :) yipppeee. i love capturing the moments with people who make me smile hehe. anyways, my day started of boring, bad, then ended good.

pics from today:

i notice

2009-09-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

that lately it hasnt been the same. its like a sorry here and there, never actually showing it. i feel like crap. even she noticed ! she asked me howcome dakine treated you nicer before now meaner ;( see i dont get your style. they tell me i can do better, but they also say oh your probally gonna be the saver. i try everyday to help you, but in the end you just dont comprehend. you should put asside your pride that you have and just focus not only school but mee too. i dont want to be that girl that you think you can do that to. cuz seriously i dont think you realize how much i care. im probally the first that actually does. you told me about your past, so i feel like wow im such the differnt one. you should learn to appreciate it. seriously... its not going to be easy but im hoping for you to mature in some way... but sometimes its like useless telling you this because i feel useless... you wont even read this because i just vent on blog. tahaha i know im wierd. no one knows but this blog and i. ;)

labor day

2009-09-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

woke up early and got ready even if i didnt feel good. then went over to coles house. then beb called and i told him to just go and ill meet them at kams. cole and i ended up walking to kams but we were to late to catch ride wit dem so i just went wit cole and jonimar. we took bus too alas. three of us walked all the way to the other side of ala moana and to the other side of the beach. when we finally came i saw him :) but, then everything went down from that. he sees me and yells out asking if i was swiming and i said no and he yells out so useless you come beach. and that hurt me. cuz its a slap in the fuckn face for even him to tell me that. that was like oh so what if i dont swim you dont even fuckn know the whole storry of why i cant swim. im fuckn sick and i dont want to get more sick. fck you assuming. sometimes you gotta think before what you say. so three of us left to cruiz at alas. i bought a top ;) that made me happy. then afterwards we saw tiff haha. next we went just around places then went to this store that we could lay down haha. tiff came along, and we cruizd again. was tiring. then tiff went home and we went beach. i had no money already. nicole and jonimar was eating ;( haha. anyways, it was hot, then he called. shockin, told him how i felt and everything. but yet, im still sad dont know why. and then dad picked me up and i went to home depot wit him. fckn bot another fridge for grandma ughh. now im home eating. i didnt eat the whole day until now ! haha. byee ;)

headaches

2009-09-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

woah, seriously lately ive been getting mixed vibes from my body. first, my throat was hella sore ! now my neck hurts. now its both? to add to it my head hurts tooo. mom said i have a cold. but mom also said something else.... theres something in my neck. she thinks its from a cold, but i dont know for sure. i hope i can go doctor the next time shes off. i dont know what to do. everytime i lay down my neck hurts. its like its so stiff but not really. i dont push it too far but like i try to excersize my head. today, my leg also hurts this day because my friends and i walked all over ala moana side. lmfao.

im just afraid. i hope i get better. im gonna think positive. and hoping people actually take me serious, cuz im not joking. i wouldnt lie about this...

school

2009-09-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

lately school is been a hetic course of my life. sure it has it happy momments :) but theres too much when someone counts on you to do a lot. i mean im flattered that youd trust me. but sometimes people should understand, im not perfect, i wish i was but that wouldnt be right ! haha.

meetings everyday, sometimes things dont even get done. we set down dates for deadlines, but we end up not fulfiling it. it kinna sucks? but im just hoping that things will get better soon. that we will give it all we can. yes, im proud to be class of 2012.

yay, your putting some effort into this. i mean yeah im guessin it will take you a while to realize things. i can see you do. i try to put up with all of it. cuz youve made me stronger. you taught me how to be independent at times and not to worry. i trust you and caree too much now. you may be stubborn, but its okay. i just hope one day youll realize that jealousy is always gonna be there in a person, no matter what you do you cant expect me not to be. one day youll realize this and we'll switch rolls? tahaha.

realize

2009-08-30T16:38:00.001-07:00

if you could just realize the crap that i go through just for you. seriously, everyday i wish you could prove me wrong. but sometimes you just do the same thing over and over again. i dont want to get to the point where im sick and tired of it. because i want you to be able to learn from your mistakes. i want you to realize im that differnt girl. you should know, im not like your others. i swear i treat you better than you treat me... if you could only try a bit harder. if you could just please understand where im getting at. i can hardly get in touch with you. only during school. but hey your busy im busy. i told you so many times that how you act infront of me with others reflects the kind of chick i am. i dont want to be known as the girl that lets someone do that to her. because im not like that. i understand you so much that i wish you could understand me. if you could just give me some respect then everything will be alright. dont just say yeah yeah yeah. because that doesnt help at all. im not only doing this for myself, i just want people to see the other side of you, the good side. not the side everyone knows you by. you know i care so much that i want you to be by my side like i am for you... dont make it harder as it already is.

historian

2009-08-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

eversince ive joined student council, ive been busy. there are reasons why ive joined it. sure it irritates the heck out of me being a member. but, i love it. no matter what i love being the "unofficial member" i dont get put on the spot. but i end up helping out more than i should. its funny tho, im always there compare to the others. not saying it as a bad thing but i dont know why i just like being involved. by being involved, i can have people see that im worth something. not just a smart ass. not just as the goody goody. but someone who could be a well rounded person meaning that whatever crap people throw at me, i can prove them i can do it.

recently i made a video on respect. it started out as saras idea. we were suppose to make a skit on stage. but then either one of us, sara or i had said we should just make it as a video. so we did. we had to plan this in like what two days? first day of recording was kinna hectic. there was homecoming committee having their own meeting and we had to do the respect video. as i went home to edit it, it was too short ! so then the day before the assembly we took last minute videos ! lucky my homie, vincent and erickson came along for the video. i thought up ideas we should act about respect. and then i went home and edited all ! woah hard work i tell you ! but its okay, the project came out good i swear :)

so as we played it during assembly for sophomores, the thing got cut. cuz we didnt have enough time to show it. i wish we couldve showed the whole thing. my teachers came up to me and asked "werent you in that video" "good job". i felt proud. i asked my friends if it was funny or bad they said it was funny and wished it didtn end fast lol. but miss said we could show it next assembly. so now i posted it up on youtube. i cant belive it.... I GOT LIKE a LOT OF VIEWS in just one day??!?!?! i was soo surprised :)

being the perosn in council aint that bad. just as long as you can be able to understand your members and deal with them. i mean their family to me :) always. right?!??! hehe.

respect video:

reflect on classes.

2009-08-29T18:38:00.000-07:00

schools been good i guess. buisness class is fun with the people i have in it. yeah so what i kiss ass to the teacher ;) but its fun, somehow people always just go to me for help. i feel what is that word? uhm honored? i really am becoming buisness like. i think that in the past i wouldnt have the guts to stand up and talk about a career or explain to the class what is for hw. .

english class is awesome too ! i love the people that are in it. they make me feel energenic. english to me is always boring, but when you have the funniest people in it, then you good to go ;) i dont think its hard but its honors itll come harder .... but anyways, i get lazy doin journals, and i just wing at the answers hopin to give what she wanted so i can get a good grade lol.

algebra two. damn it ! its a hate and love relationship. the teacher goes to fast but shes on it at the same time. i mean yeah she annoys the heck out of us but i think its good at times. i actually pay attention and actually understood math. so lucky i just came from algebra from summer. it was worth it ! tahaha. in that class i have people who help me so thats good ;)

meal management is the best ! dude, i eat in that class cuz we cook ! ahah. i dont eat lunch so its worth the wait for period four. the last period of the day. i look foward to this class everyday and it sure works to help me keep goin throught the school day tahaha. i have funny people in that class, and trouble makers. its good to have them, cuz otherwize its kina boring. we dont do work much, just cook. but therell be times when teacher just pops us quizes and such. i could talk a lot about this class, but i dont want to type a lot more ahaha.

you dont know

2009-08-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

what im going through. at the moment i wish You were the one i was talking to on the phone everyday. but i dont want to expect anything from you anymore. everyday i wish that i could talk on and on about what im going through. moms making me worried. something might be wrong... and i cant do anything but wait for the results from her. my moms been through a lot. she deserves better. thats why im really trying my best to not spend a lot. dad told me not to. dads making me feel bad about spending. sometimes hes the hypocrit. spending too much on food. like why not on clothes? lmfao i sound so selfish. i dont want to be selfish... hes expecting to go philipines and build my grandmas house because grandmas being a bitch about it ! now he wants me to go philipines during school? I CANT. i need to reach my goal. to be able to get the gpa that i want. to be able to prove everyone. to make them proud. dad told me its alright, if i make it, i make it. but the fact is, i know i can and i want to, theres no doubt in my mind what i want to get when i graduate. ma works hard and i need her to say that it paid her off. dad does too. i really want you to know what is going on. i want to know more about you too... everyday i hurt... you just dont know it. i know i have a lot of friends to go too, but "I need you to be by my side. I want you to be mine oh mine For all time"

i miss

2009-08-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

the times when it was just you and me, literally. yes, im thankful i get to see you every school day. but, your busy. the only time i have time with you is in the morning,recess,and lunch. sometimes your not even there at lunch. which makes me feel gloomy. i dont want you to forget that im still here. like i said, i wish i was your main prioritie. but, i cant be selfish. im not selfish actually. i understand you. i wish you could understand the way im feeling too. you may not give the best advice a guy could give but i know you try to be there. i cant blame you. sometimes, i feel like you dont want to make time? but in the end, i have to put these negative thoughts out and focus on the real reasons why your like that. i love you for you. no one sees you the way i do. thats why they always question me about you. but idgaf, im tired of them. times like this, i think a lot. i dont let what people say get to me because i always go to you with the truth. and i trust you... but at a certain point, i want you to try harder or find a way to get these moments...because i miss it.

people

2009-08-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

just dont understand why. their always assuming shet now a days. shouldnt we learn from mistakes and move the fck on ? i have, thats why i dont belive the crap that people tell me. i dont feel guilty or worried at all. as long as theirs trust with him then im all good. why should i be affected by the words that are spoken. you dont know why i ever chose uhm, then you should shut up. past is the past. build a bridge and get over it. dont take your anger on him or talk crap just because your a hater. i mean i cant blame you, but i seriously dont give a fuck. just keep it to yourself. if you seen it actually happen, then say it to my face. just stop telling me crap that dosent make sence. you dont know him like i do. people dont always stay the same right? because people CAN CHANGE FOR THE better. so i suggest YOU SHOULD TOO. stop trying to rip it all apart. because i aint a kid, i know what the fckn world is influencing. dont blame uhm for being immature when you act immature too. check yoursellf dear before you point at others. i listen to both sides of the story, then what i feel is how i feel. deal with it...

happy

2009-08-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

18th day of the month <33 i remember the day you asked me. it was funny, but you were actually serious about us. im glad that youve stuck with your word, so did i.

today woke up got ready, wore a dress to school for the first time. good thing its hot, it gives me a purpose to wear it ! hahah. anyways, i think he forgot about the day? nah idk. but its okay i guess haah. hmm, classes went by fast. lunch came, student council meeting. then during period four, baked cookies again ! yumm ! hehe. after school, i didnt get to hang with him. i dont know where he went, he didnt let me know. so, i just went to a homecoming meeting. it was good i guess. when everyone left, had most of the girls in student council stayed. missing dwayne and melanie. we took pics cuz we were bored, and we were making songs for song contest hehe. hmm... then i went home. oh wells ttyl ;)

pictures of the day:

081509

2009-08-16T17:17:00.000-07:00

so today i woke up in nicoles place. i slept good i guess? but only a little lols. her ma' bought cini minis from burger king. yumm! then after wards aunty took me back home. once i got home i chnaged and went to sleep lmfao. i left my phone at coles house, but lucky my mom got it back when she went to pick up uncle lols. later he called me and told me about his fone and yata yata. then went back to sleep again. hoo i really was tired ! next, nicole came and i got up and went shower. tahaha i know i so lazy. then afterwards party soon started. fam bam and people came. was good i gues. neighbor kids were around, was quite at first but all good afterwards. hmm then i ate. good food as always. hmm what else? fckn nicole slept in my bed lmfao ! i was tired too and i almost went to sleep but i haad to wait till cole went home. was like already 12 when i fell asleep ahah. wells, that was my day as of 081509

pics from that day:

well as of today today, 081609, im preety tired. but yet i have hw to do ! fckn serious?! i wanna sleep. i think i am then do hw later. hahaha. im such a lazy ass right now. errr. school tomaro ? fck lmfao. days go by so fast? seriously man. peace out ;)

081409

2009-08-16T02:03:00.000-07:00

woke up early i guess. got called too much in the morning ? tahaha jk. anyways, school went by fast. i love period four, my classmatees are funny and i get to eat in that class cuz we bake :) its fun tee hee. after school, went over to coles house. i slept over her place for the first time man ! thats so cool :) hehe. but then we went alas first with tiff. we ate genki again ahah. i ate a lot, so did nicole. tiff was limited but still good food. ho nah, i was full after eating sheet ! but worth my time and money. then after that we went to forevers, i bought a dress. something to wear for a special day or something? hehe. then aunty picked us up and we headded to their place. nicole lemme borrow some clothes and i slept earlier than her man. i was so tired lmfao. oh well, that was my day.

btw im typing this the day after cuz i didnt have time to type it on that day. so read as if it is the actual date lmfao. cuz you know me, i like to blog

pics from the day :

today

2009-08-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

woke up this morning, did the morning routine. talked to him about shet that i felt. i felt better after ;) thens, the day went by fast. hung out with him ^_^ hehe. meal managment class is fun ! i get funny people where i sit and in my group. cooking is fun ! and it tastes good :) im thankful that i end the day with this class ahha. only for this semester tho damn it ! haha.

after school, went to alas with cole and tiff. i had to go orthodentist ahah. for braces duh. i got it tightend as always and its red now. doctor sed i get to take them braces off after TWO more damn appointments ! cant wait, but yet scared hahah. after dentist, tiff left she had to go home. and cole and i ate at genki sushi :) ohhh gosh i felt hungry ! and the food was delicious. finally i didnt feel like wasting my food. oh and im getting used to freakin chopsticks ! tahaha. it was nicoles first time today at genkis hehe. hmm... thats mostly it of my day. gotta do hw nows... BLEH SCHOOL ERRR ahah.

pics from today:

typically...

2009-08-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

its been school school school. hws are given out everyday. every morning i look foward to having some time with you. but then, you have your priorities. sometimes i wish you would make me a priorities. yeah, im so jealouse that they get to have you more than me. i dont get it tho. i feel kinna stupid. on top of it all, family gives me stress. ma's sick ? shes not telling me something. im scared... dads worryin TOO much for my health. i always tell him im not fuckn anerexic how ever you spell that. sister is always pissing me off everyday? at least i still have my ppg. but, sometimes, i just feel My Feelings dont matter. i help everyone, i mean it. and then, people think that i dont care about them just because i miss some calls or something? i mean, i have a life too. i have a life just like you. im not fuckn super lady. i cant please everyone. i cant even be fully happy sometimes. i mean, i deserve to be happy right? but i know thats not how it works. you may not realize it, but i need you to be there for me too... im tired...