what a meanie

i cant believe that an adult could bash a person in front of them. it hurts me that they think about him like that. instead of trying to say it in a nice way, she goes and says it so mean in front of his face. just because of how he was in your class and how he acted before doesn't fckn mean he doesn't deserve to be honors. i cant believe that she doesn't realize how hurt i am even if it isn't me. i know babe just takes it as it is and WOW im so amazed at how he can do that... hes so amazingly well at criticize. he told me that it shouldn't phase me because its not my problem, that's just her opinion. and it doesn't matter to him. all that matters is that he has me. and that made me happy. although, deep inside i feel so bad for him because people don't fckn realize how different and better he is. hes the most courageous loving funny person there can be, and im glad hes mines. its fckn dumb how people can just judge a person by their past. why don't they just look at their progress and present. fckn stupid ! watch one day, karma's gonna get you. after today after what that person said, i don't even wanna win anymore. he told me he doesn't know if he wants to be surrounded by people being so negative towards him. and this makes me so sad because i know its true and i don't want him to go through that. so for all you people who judge out there, hope you have a nice day !

woah havent posted in a while

yeah damn i havent posted sheet in a while ! foreel. damn ahha. lately people just go on tumblr to vent thats why. but i always have you blogspot. i dont think people check mines anymore lols. its okay ;)

so yeah today after school riding home dad and babe was talking about me. they were telling me how i should learn how for cook because babe knows how. dad said yeah its always the man that cooks. babe was completly dogging about how i should eat vegetables and be more healthy. just because he eats healthy and cooks for himself. i fckn felt like shet. even my dad called me spoiled. fck yeah ill just have to admit im damn spoiled. but heck i still live in my fckn parents house and respect the rules. i dont go spending shet on some stupid stuff. i get what i deserve is my motto.

but i undestand where babe is coming from. i told him ill do it for him, ill learn to cook and provide for myself. i love my boyfriend and he pushes me to be a better person. its not that hes changing me, hes just improving my lifestyle so dont get the wrong idea that he doesnt accept me. of course he fckn accepts me :) hehe. and im so thankful for him.

as i got home i wanted to cry. but i just cried in my bathroom. then i didnt even know i cried a lot. but i wiped it off. i put a smile and went back to my room where babe was playing his game. so i tried to pull it off. except, he noticed my attitude changed so he asked what was wrong. i didnt want to mention it because i told myself its so small why should i be so sad about it. but he insisted and i gave in. i told him how sorry i was that i was like that. and i cried. then we talked everything over. long story short, i realize my boyfriend just wants me to live a better life by being healthy :) because he doesnt want to loose me and he doesnt want me to be like his stupid step sisters... ! i really dont want him to remind him that i act like them cuz im not.

He told me to save it because its beautiful

"sometimes when your looking for love its right in front of you, but sometimes love is blind..."
-Jonathan Balisacan

Quote 9

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. "

Quote 8

"I hate when I get that feeling when I know I'm about to cry. When I feel the tears well up, and my face gets flushed. But I hate it even more when I have to hold it in, because someone walks in, or catches me. Because I don't want to have to explain myself. I don't want to hear the 'Are you okay?'s and the 'What happened?'s. Because I know that what I'm feeling, is something you may THINK you understand.. but really, you don't understand it at all."

stress

i recently learned about the meaning of stress in health class. its not that i didnt know but i got to know the deeper meaning and definition. stress is very harmful to the body, it can affect you in the long run. i dont want my parents to stress but they do. i end up getting stress about worrying about my family. but lately, i dont focus on stress, i mean its amazing how i handle things. i dont go overboard because im just thankful for what i have.

but what makes me feel so mad about stress is how stress has their affect on others. i dont like it when people use the excuse of stress. but i dont blame them. its just hard i guess...

i hate seeing babe stress. i hate how its hard for him to express things. i mean he tells me but it really hurts that hes stressing. i dont want the ones i love to stress. because when they do i feel so worried and it makes me think a lot. today babe wasnt acting himself when he came over. he looked tired but i think he was hiding it... i knew he was so i didnt act much either. babe was so down that i didnt know what to do, i was down cuz he was.... i fuckn hate how his steps have to irritate the fck out of him and make his life so miserable. ughh * what kind of people doesnt accept things... Oh and i hate how people judge and they dont even know things... sheesh !

♥ the 18

so today is my babe and i's day of the month. the day i told him yes. the day i knew he was finally with me. yesterday, babe told me he didnt know if he could come today. so he said he will try. so i wake up and get a call from him. i told myself not to get my hopes up and to just accept it if he cant make it on our day. but he told me he might come. his step mom was at work which was good ;) but i fell back asleep after he had to go off the phone. when i was sleeping, i was wishing he would magically come. but i forced myself to not think he was coming so i dont get dissapointed and that ill always see him in school.... i missed him so much...

then i hear "hello im here babe" by my window ! hha scared the crap out of me ! i was shocked he came. i told him howcome he never worn me. and he was still outside so i had him come in to explain. he told me he walked all the way from his house to my house. the bus would take hours because it was a holiday he said. and it was still early in the morning lols. I WAS SO HAPPY ! we hugged tightly and that made my day :) seeing him made my day and i just love being with him. he sees past my flaws... my hair was messy and he didnt care. he doesnt care because he told me i look beautiful even if i just woke up. "aww" hehe. i feel so comfortable around him even when im not dressed, i realized i didnt need to dress to impress, hes my boyfriend and he accepts me for me like i do for him.

babe helped me cook banana que :) mom wanted thats why. then me and babe watched "the lovely bones" i love watching movies with him, its fun and yeah :) but so gay, babe had to leave early because he needed to be home before his dad came home... oh wells i just told myself to be thankful to be with him for thoes couple of house. and to not worry because ill see him tomaro ;)

time passes by so fast, its been half a year... and more to go ;)

immature

self accusations. i never thought that you would say that. your so different since way back. i mean i understand why we all change but woah... im glad we found our own different happiness. im glad i experienced having a person like you in my life. i changed you changed. but, you can be so hypocrytical and ironic at the same time. sometimes people dont copy people on purpos, have you ever thought of that ? it sorta just happens, maybe they have the same interest or they didnt know one was doing the same. people dont judge people by accident, thats on a purpos. people dont care what you think. yeah words can hurt a person, but when that person who hurt a person has thier own faults then the person that took that hurt wouldnt feel hurt because its the person that hurted them that gets hurt in the end... get my dirft? hahah. complicated you see... but mainly dont point your fingers if you arent cleen your self. in the end roads are differnt pathways. just because of that you chose to drift... i belive one day we will encounter one another but in the end, in the back of my head i feel so hurt from you... dont worry im fine now, im better than ever now that i know the truth...

so its a deal...

so yesterday i was all pissed. being hurt from hearing what some people wrote on that thing. its so stupid how people can be so immature about a situation...

so i talked to him yesterday about how i felt. it was really hard but i found a way to get through to uhm. i realized that if that person really truely is a best friend of mine then that person should understand my life my choices and support me... i tried to put up with the fact you hated him. but nowi cant take it. i dont want him or me or you to get hurt anymore. you told me straight up so now i let you know... you knew i was right along and you knew it would happen someday. i gave you a choice... im either gone or things has to become better. so you realized you do need me and im glad you do but you had to do something in reciprocal for me. im glad your gonna change the way you see things. i know its going to be hard but just imagine if you were in my situation..sometimes i feel so dissapointed in you... you still do the same things. sometimes i feel like my words are a waste cuz it doesnt make a difference. but maybe it does like you said. i really thought things would change. i really am hoping. but i cant always get what i want. i just gotta be thankful your still there.

Quote 7

"When I first met you, I never would've imagined that I would have such stong feelings for you. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you or miss being by your side or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentioned your name. When I first met you I never would've thought that I would love you as much as I do."

your mean

i just realized that you really are mean. you really dont care for my feelings. you really dislike him. i dont know why you gotta show it. just keep it to your fucken self. fuck this shet. i feel like we shouldnt even be close anymore. you told me the truth already, straight up so thank you. i understood you and i didnt want to get mad at you so i let it go. but now, i really dont wanna deal with you. your just hurting me when you did that. you dont need to know what you did its not like you fuckn care. what kind of a friend does that anyways... you dissappoint me. i give up already with you. you hardley call you have other friends anyways... you dont need to be there for me. i dont need to either... i just wanna vent this out. i dont know if i really mean what im typing. i just wanna vent. but yeah... i dont trust what you say anymore. you never keep your word. so fuck this.

my birthday plans

i really dont fuckn know what im going to do for my sixteen birthday. its coming up preety soon. i know who to invite, but its the fact that i know most of them wont even make it. there the best people in my life and i care for them and i really wish they would be there for me on that so called "sweet Sixteen". i dont even know if babe can go... i dont know if i should ask my homiee... i dont know if the rest are allowed to go ON a school night. my moms only off on the 9 & 10 and thoes are the days were planning on... the 9th is my real birthday! mother put my birthday certificate on the 10... because she got married legally on the 9 so she didnt want people to think anything... i wish the people who are there for me in my life would be there for me since im always there for them. if i could wish my birthday wish right now i would wish all thoes whom i love would just come together for one day that day i turn 16... but i guess i dont always get what i want... it doesnt matter. i guess ill be thankful if people do things for me during school... but i dont know already.. i wish i could just skip that day because maybe people dont even remember... still a while till that day though...

its so hard

i really wish your step fam doesnt have to act like a bitch towards you. whenever you tell me those kind of things like what they do to you i get so hurt because your getting hurt. i cant do anything about them. its fucked up what you have to go through. you deserve to be treated better cuz i know your the best son a person could have. and im lucky your my bf. i love him so much... you tell me you have to limit yourself... i guess i have to understand. i cant always get what i want. i dont want to loose you. i know you dont either. i know you care for me so much. i have to learn to be less dependent on you or anyone i guess.. im preety much almost alone with venting. all i have is the computer to vent to sometimes. you tell me your going to find a way, and i trust you babe... like i said... i dont know what i would do without you... fuck the people who say shet because they dont havent experience this kind of ♥

Guardians

My mom is the strongest person i know. yet, she could irritate The Fuck out of me. I swear... I feel like shes a bit annoyed that my bf comes over a lot. i mean yeah sure i understand that. but at least im not doing anything bad. at least she gets to know him better. at least shes there right? but, i think she misses my dad. she misses the fact that the opposite sex is there. point is she misses my dad. i miss my dad so much. i miss him spoiling me and sis. moms so uptight lately. im glad dads coming home soon instead of waiting for a month more. hes coming back next week :) hehe. but i guess, i gotta put up with this shet. i love my mom and dad no doubt. i miss them... i do miss spending time with mom i guess, since lately ive been focused being with babe... i guess its partly my fault.. she tells me not to give my hundred percent to a boy... but i cant help how my heart feels...

accepting

the fact that things arent going to be the same. your still gonna be my homie, my best friend. thank you for letting out the things because i wouldnt want you keeping it to your self and never letting me know... im sorry that i cant do anything about it... im sorry that it has to be like this. i guess your right, your smart... these past few days you didnt talk to me. just once but that was a hi only. yeah, i dont usually call people because they call me. but with a best friend like you, we always helped each other... you gave me the best advice a person could say. you counted on me to be there for you like i did. i really wish it doesnt need to be like this... But, when the two important people in my life dislike each other it hurts me... theres nothing wrong with having a best friend too but i guess to make it better for us it wont be like before? you tell me to call you when i need too... hmmm... you tell me im your best friend... hmmm... i tell you that i know things are going to change and YOU know it... i tell you your still my best friend... you were like a brother to me and i was like your older sister guiding you... but thank you, for having always being there... im sorry for what your going through...

First Day of Semester 2

So today we had school. Woke up and got ready for school. then waited for babe cuz his stuff was here. My ma dropped us off. then cole came and went to school. morning was good i guess. then advisory, they passed out our schedules.

Period one, its a funny class. i like ilokano 2A/B. i took ilokano before thats why. so i guess im looking foward to learning in this class. it has aircon and i dont think i need to worry bout dresscode like my last period 1 lols.

Period two, social studdies. i guess i could like this class. got people i know. hopefully it wont be hard. i dislike world history, i think its boring lols.

Period three, science. well today was funny. the teacher had some mixed personalities. told us not to kiss ass. i guess thats out my list lol. im afraid of science. i really dont like it much. hopefully ill do well cuz i know i can :) babe can help me since hes good at it lol.

Period four, hmmm health class. i was afraid of this class. but its not that bad, well for the first day. im trying my best to get the teacher to know me. hopefully health will be fun or okay to understand lols.

Afterschool, i look foward to this time of day. babe and i walked to kams and took bus to my house. babe had to type up something and yeah... hung out and then he left... :) haha so funny today babe and i planned job our outfits tahaha. so wierdos. its otay :)

HAPPY NEW YEARS

Its my first post of 2010! hahah.

so yesterday was new years eve. i cleaned my room, fixed my clothes, and waited to pop fireworks. nicole them came and we watched some tv till it was night. we popped fireworks and watched neighbors as they lighted up arials i think? lols. anyways ate a lot. when it was 11:58 i was watching my watch so that i can call babe at 12. then when it was 12 i told everyone happy new years then i got a call from babe ! he beat me :P ahha he told me he was gonna call me first. and i was so happy. hes the first person to greet me happy new year. it was so cute hehe....

so as 2010 comes im looking foward to all the new experiences...

its the first day and im just at home tired lols ;)

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